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I am a localization manager/translator and intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about languages, cultures, diversity management, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, coaching, effective communication and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free food and good movies.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Something one should never forget, when other people let one down and show their true colors in an unpleasant way

Talk is cheap, they say.
And that one should not believe to what someone says, but to what one does instead.

And I couldn't agree more, as I wrote here.

[Elephant, that's the word.
Believe the good ol' tramp]

It has been said so many times before that people show you who they really are in extreme situations: when they are drunk or under drugs, during a war or a natural disaster, when they are broke or when you are, when someone is risking their own life, during a breakup, and so on.

Words keep getting cheaper, which makes action more valuable than ever.
Seth Godin, Showing vs. telling

Those are the moments in which it is so easy to see who someone really is and how they interact with other human beings, besides of all the political correctness and the pleasantries and the small-talk and the shiny comments on social media.

And that is the moment in which things can get ugly very fast. Like, very fast.Surprisingly fast, sometimes.
Most of the time, when people fail you, mistreat you, disrespect you, it is not about you. It is not about you when they lie to you. It is not about you when they let you down. it is not about you when they take you for granted. When they hurt you. When they mislead you. It is about them.
We tend to take it personally, to think that those situations are a sign of how little we are worth, of how "not enough" we are, of how people perceive us.

And yet, even if it could seem "natural" to think that, it is a very dangerous place to be, because it is simply not true.
When people behave like this, it is because they are in pain. They don't know better. They are somehow stuck. Or lost. Or defeated and hopeless and down on their own. And most of all, they are scared.

[Two inner children, adult bodies as metallic cages, pain, suffering 
and yet trust able to shed a light:
the touching sculpture Love by Alexander Milov, 
from Burning Man 2015]

They are not telling something about you and what you deserve, while doing those things. They are telling something about themselves and about their own worth as a human being. About how much they think that they can give. About how kind, empathetic and caring they can be.

Never ever ever ever ever forget it.
Even when someone treating you like that can hurt like hell, the very first moment. And to be honest, often even a little bit longer than that.

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
Aisha Tyler 

And yet, it is always up to you to choose the kind of person that you want to be.
The person that strikes back and gets lost in drama and wicked games, or the person that is able to focus on what really matters.

So, if you ask me... in those moments you should focus on your own life, go over it and move on. You should forgive, but without forgetting. And without accepting what hurts you.
Forgiving is not about you giving someone else another chance to hurt you, it is about you giving yourself a chance to heal, and to look forward to all good things in life that are already waiting for you.

So never forget it. And then smile, and move on. You will not regret it.

Tags: Human dynamics, Bad relationships, Behaviour, People, Quotes

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