Coaching Monday: Your cue for walking away

We can call it a deal-breaker, a no-no, a red flag. Or we can just call it our cue. We all have one, for both getting involved with AND walking away from something (or someone).

Recognizing our cue is half the battle.

[Knowing what your cue is before you are going to need it

can spare you from drama, problems, and discomfort]

"What is your cue for walking away from something?"                                                  

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Boundaries, Letting go

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #134. - Your money, as a customer

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Coaching Monday: The ones that make us feel special

You will probably agree that our desire to feel special and to be treated accordingly is no secret and incredibly human.

We want to be around people who are able to make us feel special, show us their appreciation, and that with their behavior are saying "I see you, I value you, I am thankful for you".

The people around us want that too. 

[Very often, making someone feel special

is all about the little gestures, the small details, the ways we show

that we notice, we care, we remember, we are grateful]

It's never too late to find ways to make our loved ones feel seen, cherished, and... every day a little bit more like they were your own personal VIP.

Getting curious about the five love languages by Gary Chapman is a good place to start. What else could you try out?

 

"How do you make your loved ones feel special?"  

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Five love languages, Gratefulness, Relationship mindsets

What to read next:

Coaching Monday: What gift-receiving says about you

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Coaching Monday: The reward for staying curious

People are full of surprises, more than we expect them to be and way more than what we often credit them for. 

But in order to be able to see it and to let us surprise us, we have to give up control to a certain degree and stay curious instead, granting the people around us the benefit of the doubt, which is not always easy.

[The more unexpected the surprise, the better.
And you can also be the one surprising yourself]

Staying curious and giving people around you the benefit of the doubt can be so rewarding! 

"Who surprised you today?"   

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Curiosity, Strong relationships

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #408. - Every shade of unpredictability

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Coaching Monday: Your most beloved treasure

If we talk about treasures, what's the first thing going through your mind?
The most apparent treasures may be material possessions, but everything and everyone can be a treasure: a strong relationship, our loved ones, a goal, our health, being resilient, a meaningful book, or the memories of a unique experience.

[The answer to this question may reveal 
what are your values and principles
and it can help you stay focused]

If someone asks about treasures, what's the gut answer that makes sense to you, and when was the last time you have been consciously thankful for it?

"What's your most beloved treasure and why?"  

                                                

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Thankfulness, Resilience, Personal values

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #295. - Your most treasured memory of this year

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Coaching Monday: What gift-receiving says about you

How we deal with gift-giving says a lot about us, our worldview, our generosity, our idea of reciprocity. 

It's not a mere coincidence, then, that gift-giving is one of the five love languages theorized by Gary Chapman in the book 'The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate' (1992), together with words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.

[What goes through your mind 
while receiving a present?
Are you happy? Thankful? Annoyed? Embarrassed?]

Still, I genuinely believe that how we deal with gift-receiving is just as important and revealing. How we react, what we think and do, and how we thank the person giving us a gift (if at all, and while truly meaning it) says a lot about us, our self-worth, our way of building and nurturing relationships, our ability (or incapacity) to feel gratitude, and sometimes also about our sense of entitlement.

"What's your typical reaction when receiving a present?"

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Five love languages, Gift-receiving, Gratitude

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #414. - And invisible, and yet priceless gift

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Coaching Monday: The recipient of your next signed postcard

Sending hand-written postcards is sadly becoming a forgotten art.

And yet, such postcards are usually one-of-a-kind treasured presents, modest and yet highly appreciated, unusual, and intimate. 

Sending a postcard takes time, effort, and thoughtful action. Who's going to be the next person receiving one from you? 

[How about sending yourself a signed card,

and reading again in six months' time?

What was capturing your attention at the moment of writing it?]

"Who will receive your next signed postcard?"                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Healthy relationships, Written communication

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #288. - The recipients of your next thank-you notes

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Coaching Friday: The benefit of the doubt

The proverb "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!" may feel safe and reassuring to many. We don't want to look like fools, be taken advantage of, or be tricked, right?

And yet sometimes, giving someone the benefit of the doubt is healthier and more productive long-term. Probably the most challenging part is deciding what we need in order to go for it, to take a risk, to be okay with the outcome, whatever it can be.      

[When in doubt, what do you think

and how do you interact with others?]

In your world, "Who deserves the benefit of the doubt?"         

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Building trust, Relationships

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #103. - The benefit of the doubt

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Coaching Friday: Saying NO as a life skill

For many people, saying NO feels very scary and difficult, so difficult that it may be almost impossible.

And yet, in a pretty interesting and revealing way, those are the people that would badly need to be able to say NO more often.

Knowing when to say yes is important, sure thing, but knowing when to say NO is just as important. Both saying yes and saying NO have to be in balance, they need to have a purpose, they should be seen as practical tools for designing our days and lives.

[Saying NO often can create space for saying yes

to something that truly matters to you]

They also both say a lot about us as people, professionals, and social beings. 

"What do your NO's say about you?"                

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Saying NO, Boundaries

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #380. - The art of leaving out what is not needed

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Coaching Friday: Your best conversation for today

In order to be good or helpful, or even life-changing, conversations don't necessarily have to be tense, challenging, or scary.

Sometimes, the best conversations are the ones able to let us see things with new eyes in a fun, relaxing way.

[Change may happen in many shapes and forms,

quite often thanks to a valuable conversation]

Let's keep those coming, and be sure to cherish the person you had your best conversation of today with.

"What was the best conversation you had today?"

PS. And if you feel that today you didn't have a pleasant, insightful conversation yet, it's not too late!              

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Relationships, Positive communication

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #378. - The most remarkable interaction of the day

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A question that is only apparently easy to answer, and how to make a game out of it

Ask someone about their most cherished memory ever and, more often than not, they will tell you it's the birth of a child, the day they've got married, a lavish holiday they took, the day they graduated against all odds, the special celebration night for an award they received, or something else just as memorable.

On the other hand, some people will reply "The next one, the one I didn't create yet" or "Each one, I cherish them all".

[The three most cherished memories could be

from three completely different life areas]

It may seem like an easy thing to ask, and yet replying to such a question can feel daunting, confusing, or even "dangerous": The risk of saying something awkward or not aligned with social expectations is high.

The tango of every meaningful connection

It takes two to tango, they say.
It also takes two to have a productive, respectful, and meaningful connection.
And even if sometimes we like to think so, having only one person working like crazy to make a connection/relationship work and to compensate for the lack of interest of the counterpart is a recipe for disaster. 

[Building a meaningful connection is like dancing...

More elements than you would think are involved]

Meaningful connections and healthy relationships are made out of commitment, self-awareness, and teamwork. 
                                                              

Tags: Coaching ideas, Self-awareness, Healthy relationships, Meaningful connections

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #88. - Your many accountability buddies

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Embracing the beauty of "They are not my cup of tea", or the one celebrating self-acceptance

Even if being liked, appreciated, and understood is a universal human need, this doesn't mean that everyone should like us or that we should lose ourselves while trying to be liked by everyone and anyone, no matter what.

[Weirdly enough, "They're not my cup of tea"

can be a pretty valuable compliment]

Sometimes, having someone saying about you "They are not my cup of tea" means that you are actually doing everything right.                                           

Tags: Coaching ideas, Self-awareness, Self-acceptance, Healthy relationships 

What to read next:

If you should make a choice between these two options, what would you go for?

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Your ratio between saying YES and saying NO

Saying YES is great, sure thing.

And yet what is going to make a difference, more often than not, is your ability to say NO a lot. Often, and unapologetically.

[Being able to say NO 

is among the most powerful superpowers]

What's your ratio between saying YES and saying NO?                    
                                                    

Tags: Coaching ideas, Boundaries, Saying NO, Self-reflection 

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #345. - The feeling of saying no

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #418. - There's no going back, and that's a good thing

For many people, "There's no going back" often sounds quite menacing and gloomy.

Something that "final" and conclusive has to be bad and scary... It has to be about something we are losing for good, right?

Sometimes, it is. Other times, it's actually a great opportunity and a gift: In those cases, it's all about what we are actually letting go of.

What if you would be sure that there's no going back to health problems, toxic relationships, unfulfilling work, and harmful habits?

[Let's see... Living in the past, plenty of baggage,
lack of sleep, among other things. How about you?]

Coaching question of the day: 

"For what in your life there's no going back?"                   

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, No going back, Change of perspective, Life chapters, Long-lasting change, Growth mindset, Letting go

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #392. - Choosing progress

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #416. - Questions about heroes are like Matryoshka dolls

Today's question is one of my favorite questions at all, and yet it is also quite tricky.

Who and what is a hero, after all?

There's no right and wrong answer. A hero is perceived as such (by themselves and others, and the opinions may differ...) depending on the circumstances, the Zeitgeist, and many other factors as well.

True that, sure.

[Who can be seen as a hero, in your opinion?
This question is like a Matryoshka doll

for countless further questions...]

But what about us?

What does each of us consider relevant for being a hero?

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #414. - And invisible, and yet priceless gift

Growth is important, learning is important, self-development is important. True, true, true.

And yet we often forget something: Having fun, laughing, and having a good time is just as important.

The people in our lives that are fun to talk to and help us smile even during difficult times are among the most necessary people in our lives.

Even if we forget it sometimes (or most of the time).

[This is indeed one of those cases where
"The more, the merrier" applies]

Those people add value to our lives, a kind of value that is not always visible, and yet it is absolutely real and priceless.

Today's coaching question is an invitation to think of them, be thankful for them, and give them a call.

Coaching question of the day: 

"Who in your life is fun to talk to?" 

                                                

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Sense of humor, Emotional intelligence, Positive relationships, Resilience

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #18. - A good laugh

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #407. - On a journey, in good company

The journey matters, sure thing.

But it also matters who is sharing the journey with you.

If you think about who should be on a journey with you, what do you think of?

What would they bring to the table and what could make the interaction valuable for both sides?

[True fans, reliable accountability buddies, good friends,

honest experts, like-minded partners...]

Coaching question of the day:

"Who should be on a journey with you?"                          

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Healthy relationships, Emotional intelligence, Growth mindset

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #289. - Your tasks, your lifelong journey

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #402. - In praise of fierceness

It's the kind of attitude that we can call it in many ways: Being fierce, battlesome, pugnacious, even gladiatorial.

We can call it in many ways, and even if it gets a bad reputation quite often, more often than not it's a very healthy and empowering approach.

Sometimes, we can also just call it "having true grit" and be proud of it, and proud of us.

What do you think?

[Whatever the life areas you can be a true warrior,

how about being thankful for it and proud of you?]

Coaching question of the day: 

"Where in your life are you particularly fierce?"                         

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Having true grit, Being fierce, Self-acceptance

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #104. - Your warrior-mode

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #396. - The ones offering a challenge

People that challenge us and people that offer us a challenge are not always the same.

When in doubt, I prefer to go for people offering a challenge.

It's the best way to grow, even when it's scary at first.

Or maybe exactly because it's scary at first.

[The next question could be:
"And how do you react, when they do?"]

Coaching question of the day: 

"Who is offering you a challenge?"                          

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Self-efficacy, Growth mindset, Embracing a challenge, Healthy relationships

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #267. - A problem? No, a challenge!

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #393. - Trying a little tenderness

Books, podcasts, and other kinds of content about kindness and thankfulness have been all over the place for quite some time now, as if they would be the answer to every possible question.

That's not the same for tenderness, even if all three are strongly related and interconnected: 

Tenderness is about warmth, affection, empathy, and gentleness. 

Without them, kindness is almost unthinkable.

[What's your gut reaction to this question?

What did it make you think of?

That's the place where you should start]

Is tenderness going to be the next big thing?