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I am a localization manager/translator and intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about languages, cultures, diversity management, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, coaching, effective communication and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free food and good movies.

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Monday, March 20, 2017

The questions you can ask yourself if you are looking for an effective excuses detector that can help you recognize your blind spots (and your BS)

Think about something that matters to you.
A situation, a project, a goal, a dream, a mission.
Now think about why you didn't get the results you wanted to far, and what you tell yourself about it.

Excuses, on the other hand, are merely fear out loud.

It is too late.
It is too early.
It is too much.
It is not enough.
It is useless.
It is too difficult.
It is too scary.
It is too easy and therefore not interesting.
It is...

[Being in a dark place for a moment
doesn't mean that the world itself is a dark place...
Pic: Me, March 2017 © Radoslaw Kosiada]

It is. Or maybe it's not.
While explaining why something would not work or they are not going to follow up or do something or say something or change something, most people tend to give what for them is a reason, and not a reason whatsoever, but the reason. 
The reason that everyone should know. The reason that explains it all. The reason that is going to change your life...

Just a minute before, they were the only human beings aware of the reason and now they are sharing it with you because, hey!, they are not only incredibly intelligent and smart and clever and they know stuff, but they happen to be also very generous and willing to share their superpowers with you.
How great is that!?

It would be absolutely great, if not for a tiny detail.
More often than not, they are actually not providing any reason. They are providing excuses instead. 
Without even realizing it, they are making a candid statement about how they perceive themselves and their story, about what they consider true or not, about which belief system they have and how they look at the world.

Perception is reality, the old adage says, so for them, it is absolutely true, without the shadow of a doubt. 
They could be right. Maybe they are. Or maybe they are not.

It doesn't make any sense to try to prove them wrong or to make them change their mind at any cost.
The question is instead: What are you going to do?
How often are you behaving in the same way without knowing it?
How often are you letting your own excuses prevent you from living the life you want and following up on what matters to you?
How often you are blind to your own BS and you are not seeing how they are sabotaging you?

Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all. 
Arthur Evelyn St. John Waugh
known as Evelyn Waugh [1903-1966]

I have been there, just like you. Just like everybody else.
More often than I would like to admit.
I don't know about you, but it doesn't matter how often I have been there before, I just don't want to give up on this. For sure I don't want to allow my excuses to hold me back any longer. 

Every time that I catch myself at saying something I considered the holy truth about a situation until that moment, I then ask myself: 
- How do I know it? 
- Who is actually saying that? Is it really me? 
- It is something that could have been true at some point in the past but maybe is not that relevant any longer?
- It is something I heard or learned from someone else and that I didn't question any longer so that it became part of my belief system as well, at some point?
- Is this serving me or hurting me?

Depending on the answers, I can easily recognize if I am acting upon a genuine reason or... upon a tempting and yet dangerous excuse. It's then up to me to act accordingly: if it's just an excuse, I know for sure what I have to do.
I am sure you know it as well.

Tags: Excuses, BS, Blind spots, Excuses detector, Belief system, Quotes

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