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Localization manager/translator and coach/intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about diversity management and intercultural communication, self-awareness and coaching, SFBT and NVC, languages, cultures, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free keto food and good movies. How about you?
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A Lot Like Purple is my personal blog.
I'm the only person responsible for its content and the views and opinions expressed here are solely mines.
What I write doesn't represent my clients or any other group, organization or agency.

If you notice something inaccurate, not valid any longer or inappropriate, I am looking forward to your feedback.
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Friday, January 26, 2018

The kind of advice you should never offer to the people around you, or a short and sweet cautionary tale about mansplaining

"You know, the choice is between being beautiful and being taken seriously".
"You should definitely have a look at how that woman does what she does, so you can copy her style and do the same".

Well sir, what can I say?
Besides, of course, of "Thanks for giving me unsolicited advice about something you don't know anything about that furthermore goes against everything I believe in and I stand up for in my life every single day"?
Or maybe it would be better to politely smile and say "Thanks for mansplaining diversity and intercultural communication to an intercultural communication consultant"?

[What a lovely petite lady with blue hair...
Beautiful graffiti art 
in Berlin, Mitte - December 2017]

And yet, the most surprising thing is...

In his own (somehow gross and sexist) way, that guy is trying to be nice and helpful. And for sure he thinks he is doing a great job.
But still.

Giving advice to someone is a precious gift...
Giving a tip to someone is golden...

We all agree on that.

Under the right circumstances and, above all, if you earned the necessary trust for providing someone else something they can actually consider of value.
Even more so if the person didn't ask for that or knows more about a topic or a situation than you. Otherwise, you are just creating noise. And being a jerk.

And, exactly like that guy, you could not even know it, because...
At the end of the day, life is too short for investing one hour of my life for explaining to him how intrusive, not interesting and not useful I consider an ill-founded piece of advice I definitely didn't ask for.

How does this apply to you?
The next time that you ask someone about what they do or they are good at and they are so nice to take the time to reply...
Just don't be that guy. 

Tags: Giving feedback, Mansplaining

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