Coaching Monday: The ones that make us feel special

You will probably agree that our desire to feel special and to be treated accordingly is no secret and incredibly human.

We want to be around people who are able to make us feel special, show us their appreciation, and that with their behavior are saying "I see you, I value you, I am thankful for you".

The people around us want that too. 

[Very often, making someone feel special

is all about the little gestures, the small details, the ways we show

that we notice, we care, we remember, we are grateful]

It's never too late to find ways to make our loved ones feel seen, cherished, and... every day a little bit more like they were your own personal VIP.

Getting curious about the five love languages by Gary Chapman is a good place to start. What else could you try out?

 

"How do you make your loved ones feel special?"  

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Five love languages, Gratefulness, Relationship mindsets

What to read next:

Coaching Monday: What gift-receiving says about you

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Coaching Monday: Someone to share a laugh with

We should all laugh more. Under challenging circumstances, on bad days, while dealing with what's difficult... we should laugh even more.

Laughing doesn't mean we don't take something seriously. More often than not, it means that we are resilient, open to finding the good sides of something unpleasant, and lucky to have someone to laugh with.

[Another way to ask this question may be:

"Did you laugh in good company today?"]

"Who is able to make you laugh effortlessly?"   

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Resilience, Sense of humor

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #369. - The hidden side of resilience

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Coaching Monday: The recipient of your next signed postcard

Sending hand-written postcards is sadly becoming a forgotten art.

And yet, such postcards are usually one-of-a-kind treasured presents, modest and yet highly appreciated, unusual, and intimate. 

Sending a postcard takes time, effort, and thoughtful action. Who's going to be the next person receiving one from you? 

[How about sending yourself a signed card,

and reading again in six months' time?

What was capturing your attention at the moment of writing it?]

"Who will receive your next signed postcard?"                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Healthy relationships, Written communication

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #288. - The recipients of your next thank-you notes

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Coaching Friday: The benefit of the doubt

The proverb "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!" may feel safe and reassuring to many. We don't want to look like fools, be taken advantage of, or be tricked, right?

And yet sometimes, giving someone the benefit of the doubt is healthier and more productive long-term. Probably the most challenging part is deciding what we need in order to go for it, to take a risk, to be okay with the outcome, whatever it can be.      

[When in doubt, what do you think

and how do you interact with others?]

In your world, "Who deserves the benefit of the doubt?"         

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Building trust, Relationships

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #103. - The benefit of the doubt

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Coaching Friday: Your best conversation for today

In order to be good or helpful, or even life-changing, conversations don't necessarily have to be tense, challenging, or scary.

Sometimes, the best conversations are the ones able to let us see things with new eyes in a fun, relaxing way.

[Change may happen in many shapes and forms,

quite often thanks to a valuable conversation]

Let's keep those coming, and be sure to cherish the person you had your best conversation of today with.

"What was the best conversation you had today?"

PS. And if you feel that today you didn't have a pleasant, insightful conversation yet, it's not too late!              

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Relationships, Positive communication

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #378. - The most remarkable interaction of the day

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The tango of every meaningful connection

It takes two to tango, they say.
It also takes two to have a productive, respectful, and meaningful connection.
And even if sometimes we like to think so, having only one person working like crazy to make a connection/relationship work and to compensate for the lack of interest of the counterpart is a recipe for disaster. 

[Building a meaningful connection is like dancing...

More elements than you would think are involved]

Meaningful connections and healthy relationships are made out of commitment, self-awareness, and teamwork. 
                                                              

Tags: Coaching ideas, Self-awareness, Healthy relationships, Meaningful connections

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #88. - Your many accountability buddies

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Your ratio between saying YES and saying NO

Saying YES is great, sure thing.

And yet what is going to make a difference, more often than not, is your ability to say NO a lot. Often, and unapologetically.

[Being able to say NO 

is among the most powerful superpowers]

What's your ratio between saying YES and saying NO?                    
                                                    

Tags: Coaching ideas, Boundaries, Saying NO, Self-reflection 

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #345. - The feeling of saying no

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With the right reframing, there are no stupid questions

What if all those pesky stupid questions you have always found so annoying could be actually seen as a great occasion to get your point across, offer food for thoughts, and make a difference?    

[Here you have a brand new series!

You are welcome :)]

The next time someone asks something, no matter how weird or "stupid" you think the question is, be grateful, and take it as your big occasion to shine.

Tags: Coaching ideas, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Self-expression, Reframing, Effective communication

What to read next:

Why one should go all in, while being heavily tattooed, and the kind of questions about tattoos that are pure gold

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #414. - And invisible, and yet priceless gift

Growth is important, learning is important, self-development is important. True, true, true.

And yet we often forget something: Having fun, laughing, and having a good time is just as important.

The people in our lives that are fun to talk to and help us smile even during difficult times are among the most necessary people in our lives.

Even if we forget it sometimes (or most of the time).

[This is indeed one of those cases where
"The more, the merrier" applies]

Those people add value to our lives, a kind of value that is not always visible, and yet it is absolutely real and priceless.

Today's coaching question is an invitation to think of them, be thankful for them, and give them a call.

Coaching question of the day: 

"Who in your life is fun to talk to?" 

                                                

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Sense of humor, Emotional intelligence, Positive relationships, Resilience

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #18. - A good laugh

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #411. - A surprising piece of information

Every single day, we are exposed to every kind of information.

Among this huge amount of new information available to us, only a tiny fraction of it is quite useful.

Plenty of it is not particularly interesting or helpful, and some (most?) of it is just junk.

The magic lies in knowing what to listen to, in recognizing what is actually valuable, and in being open to being surprised, amused, motivated, changed, and touched by it.

[What has been different for you today

after being exposed to that specific piece of information?]

How is it going for you?

Coaching question of the day: 

"Which piece of information did surprise you today?"                  

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Dealing with new information, Growth mindset, Information management

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #240. - The best piece of advice for you

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Where to start, if you are new 

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #407. - On a journey, in good company

The journey matters, sure thing.

But it also matters who is sharing the journey with you.

If you think about who should be on a journey with you, what do you think of?

What would they bring to the table and what could make the interaction valuable for both sides?

[True fans, reliable accountability buddies, good friends,

honest experts, like-minded partners...]

Coaching question of the day:

"Who should be on a journey with you?"                          

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Healthy relationships, Emotional intelligence, Growth mindset

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #289. - Your tasks, your lifelong journey

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #402. - In praise of fierceness

It's the kind of attitude that we can call it in many ways: Being fierce, battlesome, pugnacious, even gladiatorial.

We can call it in many ways, and even if it gets a bad reputation quite often, more often than not it's a very healthy and empowering approach.

Sometimes, we can also just call it "having true grit" and be proud of it, and proud of us.

What do you think?

[Whatever the life areas you can be a true warrior,

how about being thankful for it and proud of you?]

Coaching question of the day: 

"Where in your life are you particularly fierce?"                         

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Having true grit, Being fierce, Self-acceptance

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #104. - Your warrior-mode

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Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #399. - A very specific and empowering rule of thumb

We are exposed to every possible kind of content and advertising on a daily basis, wherever we are, whatever we do, whether we like it or not.
Sometimes, it can make us feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and at the mercy of whoever is the loudest person in the room at a given time.

Luckily enough, it doesn't have to be this way and we don't have to succumb to any kind of communication entropy either.
We can always say NO, we can always disconnect, we can always unsubscribe.

[The answer can be related to content types,

frequency of communication, overall tone...]

If you have your rule of thumb for unsubscribing already, that's incredibly helpful (and healthy) and it can be fun to give it some further thought, in order to better understand what your red flags are.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #398. - Your idea of bargain

What's a bargain?
A fun definition I read today goes "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist".

That's quite smart, and it's definitely a way to look at it.
And yet a bargain can be many things, both positive and negative, and carry a different meaning to different people.

[My favorite definition of a bargain?

Something terrific that's worth its price, no matter the currency.

How about yours?]

Coaching question of the day: 

"What's a bargain for you?"                     

                                                    

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Human dynamics, Bargain

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #168. - A very different day 

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Where to start, if you are new 

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #393. - Trying a little tenderness

Books, podcasts, and other kinds of content about kindness and thankfulness have been all over the place for quite some time now, as if they would be the answer to every possible question.

That's not the same for tenderness, even if all three are strongly related and interconnected: 

Tenderness is about warmth, affection, empathy, and gentleness. 

Without them, kindness is almost unthinkable.

[What's your gut reaction to this question?

What did it make you think of?

That's the place where you should start]

Is tenderness going to be the next big thing?

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #390. - Intentional with decisions

The sentence "A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally" is attributed to Oliver Herford by Leonard Lewis Levinson in his Left-Handed Dictionary, published in 1963 by MacMillan Publishing Company. 
Did he actually say it?

We don't know. Over the years, similar quotes have been linked in no particular order to Oscar Wilde, Lord Chesterfield, Margaret Butler, unspecified or misquoted Greek philosophers, Geraldine Grove, and, more recently, Christopher Hitchens, and John Cleese.

[If the answer to this question should not come easy to you,

how about starting with small decisions at first?]

Whoever actually said one of those famous lines for the very first time is not so relevant, in the end. 
The main point stays the same: It's all about intention.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #389. - "Snarky" is not a synonym for "sexy"

For some people, being cynical or sarcastic is a synonym for being sexy and clever.
I dare to disagree. 

If being cynical or sarcastic is a synonym for something, then it's a synonym for being snarky, irritable, or irreverent. Nothing cool, I would say.
It doesn't make someone sound intelligent or smart, it does make them sound aggressive and rude instead.

[My favorite strategy?
Keeping as calm and cool as possible. How about yours?]

Snarky remarks are more often than not a sign of insecurity, emotional immaturity, and of a certain kind of passive-aggressive communications style.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #385. - A difficult question about us

Today's coaching question is quite straightforward, and yet often incredibly difficult to answer.

Even if it looks like a question about others and their behavior, it's actually about us: Our standards, our expectations, our perspective, our way of looking at things, our benchmarks when defining consistency, transparency, and honesty.

It's about us: What we could consider a sign of two-facedness or dissimulation could be seen as a sign of spontaneity or emotional agility by someone else.

We could disapprove or be offended while others could find the very same behavior inspiring and refreshing.

[That's one of the most difficult questions

I've published so far. And it's worth thinking about it]

In the end? Today's question is not about whether or not we are right and others are wrong. 

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #383. - Your buzzwords

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a buzzword can be defined either as "an important-sounding usually technical word or phrase often of little meaning used chiefly to impress laymen" or as "a voguish word or phrase".

Definitions from other sources also highlight the popularity or the vast spread of the word or expression.

[What we think and what we say

can have a huge impact on our feelings,

goals, and actions. Let's pick our words wisely]

Many buzzwords are "trendy" for a season, some for a year or two, and once in a while, there are buzzwords able to last for a decade or even longer.

Knowing which "cool words" we are using right now is a good way to reflect on the way we are using them, and even more on the reasons behind our habit: 

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #378. - The most remarkable interaction of the day

One of the recipes for having great interactions on a regular basis is making a habit out of thinking of all the different interactions we had during the day like we could do while creating our own mental catalog for them.
With a sort of virtual list of the interactions of the day available in our mind, we can then proceed at asking ourselves what has been successful, what has been effective, what has been pleasant, what has been remarkable, and so on.

[Quite often, the most remarkable interactions

are the unexpected ones...]

Going a step further, we can then ask ourselves why they have been so good, and whether or not we can recognize a pattern in them or recurring elements that may be seen as part of our standard way of communicating with others.