A question that is only apparently easy to answer, and how to make a game out of it

Ask someone about their most cherished memory ever and, more often than not, they will tell you it's the birth of a child, the day they've got married, a lavish holiday they took, the day they graduated against all odds, the special celebration night for an award they received, or something else just as memorable.

On the other hand, some people will reply "The next one, the one I didn't create yet" or "Each one, I cherish them all".

[The three most cherished memories could be

from three completely different life areas]

It may seem like an easy thing to ask, and yet replying to such a question can feel daunting, confusing, or even "dangerous": The risk of saying something awkward or not aligned with social expectations is high.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #313. - The epitome of charisma

In business, the idea of charisma is mainly referred to charismatic leaders and to those able to motivate and persuade people because of their charisma.

People talk about charisma as if it would be something "concrete" enough to be quantified, bought & sold, or monetized.

It may be. And yet, more often than not, trying to define and codify something as volatile as charisma ends up destroying it and producing affectation instead.

Charisma is not as static and defined as we would like it to be, nor is it a special talent we may or may not have.

[Your answer to this question could change over time,

based on your age, life experiences, social milieu,

and on what is considered cool at the time]

Being charismatic is a skill that can be acquired and it all starts with self-awareness, self-reflection, and emotional intelligence. For some.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #282. - The kind of management that's often underestimated

We tend to talk (and complain) a lot about the expectations that others (society overall, colleagues, gender roles of any kind, family and friends, people with a similar or different background) have about our actions, our success, our feelings, our loyalty, our looks, our place in the world.
We rarely talk about (and question) our own expectations about ourselves, our lives, our achievements, and pretty much everything else.

[Even if other kinds of management get a lot of attention,

expectations management is key in every relationship,

and for sure in the one we have with ourselves]

Without some kind of self-reflection and a healthy reality check once in a while, we risk not only to internalize others' expectations as if they were our own but also to bully ourselves in the process because of some unspoken, unrealistic, and maybe outdated expectation we have about ourselves.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #265. - Your favorite odd couple

It doesn't matter whether we know them in real life or we discovered them through books, movies, TV series, memes, or theater plays... odd couples are usually mysterious, fascinating, and quite entertaining.

They are a good reminder for each of us that we can have the same basic needs and yet be very different and express those needs in diverse ways, something even more evident when people that could not be more unalike happen to be good friends, or in a romantic relationship, or a dream team at work.

[Mine is Ouiser Boudreaux (Shirley MacLaine) 

and Clairee Belcher (Olympia Dukakis)

in Steel Magnolias (1989) by Herbert Ross]

Odd couples are a unique embodiment of diversity, tolerance, and emotional intelligence, and we need more of them.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #261. - The dance between signs, coincidences, and self-efficacy

The same sequence of events may be a coincidence for someone, a (good/bad) sign for someone else, and just something that happened in that place at that time for yet another person.

More often than not, it's not what happened that counts, but our narrative about what happened, and why.

People looking around for signs and divine suggestions are way more likely to find them than people convinced that even the most impressive case of inexplicable circumstances somehow happening in a row is just that: some circumstances somehow happening in a row because of the role of large numbers in the theory of randomness.

[How could your life change, 

depending on your answer to this question?]

Does something happen because it was written?

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #256. - Something splurge-worthy for you

If you have been reading some of the coaching questions of the day during the last eight months (!), I am sure you noticed a recurring pattern about avoiding generalizations and, even more, about realizing that what makes sense for some people and maybe even for most people doesn't have to make sense for you at all costs.

So it will be not so surprising for you when I say that a splurge, like many other things, lies in the eye of the beholder: What's a perfectly reasonable splurge for you could feel not suitable under any circumstances for someone else or, on the contrary, not even worth mentioning for others.

[Something splurge-worthy for me?

Tattoos, healthy food, coffee table books,

good shoes, a massage. How about you?]

What's splurge-worthy for you could be cringeworthy for others, and the other way around may also be true. And that's okay. 

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #252. - The most revealing part of the question we should ask about being driven

Surprisingly often, while asking today's question, we overlook a very important element, the one that actually gives the question its meaning.

We may ask ourselves or others to rate how driven someone can be as if it would be useful to give a generic answer, and most people will either describe themselves as not so driven, average, or incredibly driven in comparison to some kind of socially acceptable standard that's very present in their mind and, more often than not, used as a reference somewhere, at some point in time, depending on their personality, background, and upbringing.

And that's nice to know, even if actually... quite useless and not even true.

The temptation to generalize, to use words like "always" and "never", to try to fit in while creating an artificial number depending on social expectations, is strong.

[Think about something truly dear to you,
and then, and only then, feel free to fire your answer]

And yet, depending on that key part that we usually omit while asking, the answer could be completely different.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #247. - Standing out, just like Mae West would

Even if many people, as a rule of thumb, prefer to keep a low profile instead of attracting attention, more often than not the divine Mae West [1893-1980] was absolutely right: "It is better to be looked over than overlooked".

Standing out may be exactly what we need, if it's done on our own terms, and as a way to stay true to ourselves and to cherish who we are.

[In your private life, in your career, with your old friends,

with your fashion choices... 

Where's time to be daring?]

If it's something that still feels difficult or risky, it may be the right moment for asking ourselves where being ourselves more often would make us happy, even if this should mean catching other people's eyes and being different.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #236. - Destiny, self-efficacy, and hard work

Today's coaching question is one of those that look apparently mundane or useless on the surface and yet can tell a lot about us, how we live, why we do what we do... and the other way around as well.

Depending on our story, cultural background, social upbringing, personal belief system, and so many other factors that bring diversity to the world, we may or may not believe in destiny.

Assuming we would do, we could decide that everything happens only when it's written and that there is no reason for us to do something about it.

This could be related to a career, a love relationship, an illness, and lots of other things as well.

[Destiny? The answer may be
"Absolutely!" or "Nah, no way!"
and everything in between]

At the same time, destiny as a concept is not that "black or white" as many would expect.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #225. - The unexpected places where you are spending your time

Even if we like to think that time is the same for everyone (and to some extent it really is), the perception of time may vary a lot, based on social and cultural norms, education, personal experiences, background, and personality.

If someone should give each of us sixty seconds to experience, it is quite probable that, depending on our focus and mindset, some of us would spend them while thinking about the past, while others would rather be busy planning already what they could do at the end of the day or even in the coming weeks, and not that many would actually be there, present and fully aware of the moment.

[If it should be difficult to reply to this question,

it's enough to "observe" your thoughts from the outside,

like you would do while meditating]

Knowing where we tend to spend most of our time when we are not paying attention to it can be extremely empowering and it's the first step for creating a new mindfulness habit.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #219. - Your measuring stick for big statements

We often talk about making a big statement like this would be a one-size-fits-all kind of business, and yet making a big statement is a matter of perspective.

What can be a very big statement for someone may be not even worth mentioning for someone else.

In the end, it is all about the measuring stick we use, what we accept and perceive as the norm, and how hard-core and bigger than life things have to be for us to notice them and to be impressed.

Or, for that matter, about how far we are willing to go, how ready we are to cross boundaries, how liberated or self-destructive we can get if we want to impress someone else.

[Just like with beauty, more often than not

a big statement lies in the eyes of the beholder]

A colorful and delicate flower bouquet beautifully arranged can be a very big deal for someone that never got one in their life so far and considers it as a fancy and luxurious present, and it can just be "business as usual" for someone that started getting flowers on a regular basis in their late teens.

The same applies to almost everything in life, and also to the way we see big statements as such.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #204. - The kind of welcome we rarely talk about

"You're welcome in my life" is something we rarely say when meeting someone for the very first time.

And yet, they are either welcome in our life, or not.

Even without scaring out people with such a kind of official announcement, some of us pay attention to the kind of people that are welcome in their life, the people they want to have around, the people they see as mentors, allies, partners in crime, and buddies for life.

[Probably not your usual question...

And yet definitely worth some exploring]

And while paying attention, we have specific criteria in mind, either consciously or unconsciously.
Should they be just like us? Should they be different and bring diversity and refreshing ideas to the table?

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #195. - The questions that Mark Twain would approve

Just like with being disappointed by the things we didn't do than by the ones we did do, as Mark Twain knew far too well, in the end, we will regret the questions we didn't ask and not the ones we dared to ask. 

And yet, asking the questions nobody else is asking can feel scary.

What will they think if I ask this, we worry.

Can we be perceived as difficult, or naive, or just plain incompetent because of a question?

[Most of the time, if it feels scary to ask,

it means that it's a good question]

When in doubt, asking the questions nobody else is asking can make the difference not only for us but also for the other people in the room.

Diversity is about asking what nobody else is asking, thanks to a different perspective, to an alternative background, to a new angle to look at things.

When in doubt, ask the question. Yes, also the hard one that feels so risky.

More often than not, you will be happy you did it. 

Coaching question of the day:
"Which hard question should you ask?"                                                        

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Group dynamics, Asking questions, Diversity, Honest communication, Mark Twain

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #53. - Difficult questions

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #184. - Where beauty lies, for you

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they have been saying for over two thousand years, by now.

And they will probably keep saying it as long as we will all be around.

Even more so, in a world that wants to celebrate and empower diversity.

We all have our own sense of beauty, style, aesthetics.

We look different, we are surrounded by different stimuli, we are attracted and impressed by different things.

[Beauty is a state of mind.

Discovering new places for it can be the quest of a lifetime]

This can be very enriching and valuable, as we get a chance to discover what can be beautiful for someone else and, very often, we are surprised to experience something so different from what we considered the epitome of beauty just five minutes before.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #169. - A home, not a house

Some of us may have made the mistake of mixing up a home with a house, at some point.
We could have imagined that what matters is just a certain building, a specific place, a cool location.

Very often we imagine that, once everything is going to be at its place and the interior design is going to be all figured out, we will not need anything else.

Feeling at home may some times be related to where we live, and yet it can be linked to many other things, many other places, or even people.

[Feeling at home doesn't have to be a specific place,

it can also be something like a state of mind]

And if the Dorothy Gale of The Wizard of Oz needs to understand that "There's no place like home" in order to be able to get home at all, we could need to understand that "home" can mean plenty of different things to different people.   

The important thing is just to discover what that actually means to you.

Coaching question of the day: 
"Where do you feel at home?"

Tags: Coaching question, Self-coaching, Self-awareness, Self-reflection, Feeling at home, Mindfulness, The Wizard of Oz

What to read next:

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #9. - Feeling at home

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #157. - Your way of standing out

If you ask me, standing out is like the Internet: Neither good nor bad in itself, what matters is the how.
It is all about how we stand out, whether it is for something we love, are good at, and/or we are proud of, or it is for something we don't like, feel not enough at, and/or we are ashamed of.

Now, let's assume that you stand out for something cool.
Still, you could still feel self-conscious about that or be persuaded that, under no circumstances whatsoever, someone (and you, above all) should ever stand out at all.

Why so? Why not? And above all, why not you?

[You will always stand out, one way or another.

Owning how you are going to stand out makes the difference]

We are all unique, special in our own way, and one of a kind.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #129. - A different kind of hero

It doesn't matter if you know them from a movie, a theatre play, a TV series, a song, a novel, a comic, a musical, a radio program, an opera, a videogame, an ancient myth.
It doesn't matter who they are, what they do, how they look like, what background they have, as long as they can inspire you, motivate you, be a positive role model for you.

It also doesn't matter that they are either just a product of someone's else creativity or, if based on real people and historical figures, a romanticized version of them or, well... probably already dead.

[If you can't decide, pick two or three for each medium.

This will make the question even juicier]

A favorite character can show you the kind of future you aim for yourself, share with you a specific kind of background, and/or display skills and talents you want to acquire and that are not yours yet. Or all of these things at once.

Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #126. - Getting to know your blind spots

We all have some kind of blind spots, some kind of bias, some kind of preconceptions.
Nobody is perfect, not even you.

Knowing that we have those pesky blind spots about others, about ourselves, about life as a whole is unfortunately not half the battle, but it is a start.
Knowing that our take on things is not as objective and flawless as we would like it to be is a pivotal step forward that can help us over time.

[We all have some kind of blind spots.

The ones that say they don't have any?

They have more blind spots than anyone else]

How?

10 German words you probably don't know that can motivate and energize you

As a language, German has a reputation as a difficult, bureaucratic, emotionless, and somehow a little bit boring body of words. That could not be more misleading!

Even if sometimes German words are indeed... quite long and complex, and definitely pretty difficult to be pronounced properly at first, they are also precise, accurate, and very finely nuanced.

Here you have a couple of good examples, thanks to 10 German words that you probably never heard of before and that reflect motivating and useful concepts and attitudes:

#1. Begeisterungsfähigkeit, die f.

enthusiasm, ability to be enthusiastic

#2. Besonderheit, die f.

distinctiveness, peculiarity

#3. Entrümpelung, die f.

clearing out, decluttering

#4. Kultur-Audit, das n.

culture audit, audit of a specific culture

#5. Schaffensrausch, der m.

flow, burst of creativity

Colors in culture - This can be the color of... #3. Red, or over 160 different cultural references about the color of rubies, passion, and Snow White's apples

After green and blue, the series Colors in culture is back, at last, with its third installment, dedicated to the diva of the color wheel...

Red doesn't need big introductions.

It's usually the first color people notice, because of its wavelength in the light spectrum, and it is one of the primary colors in both the RGB and the CMYK color models. Without red, there would be not that much you could do with colors, and the scene would look somehow... a little bit dull.

Technicalities aside, red is the most used (and sometimes abused) statement color.

It is associated with bold choices, it doesn't matter if we are talking about fashion, food, seduction, the military world, the symbols of religion worldwide, or... concepts like transgression and good luck.

[Useful thesaurus of Red shades,

with the proper English names,

by Ingrid Sundberg]

You want to get noticed? In most cases, red will do the trick for you.

That's one of the reasons why so many foods, flowers, and toys are red, and why companies like Kellogg's, Coca Cola, Virgin, LEGO, and Pinterest do their best for being an eye-catcher, both online and offline.

Well, my smile's pretty hard to miss, considering I'm a gal who likes her lipstick: the redder the better.

Dolly Parton

Even if the urban legend that Coca Cola "invented" Santa Claus' red look as we know it for marketing reasons related to its brand is... just a legend, red is a color designed to leave a durable impression.

Without further ado, here you can find a list of over 100 different cultural references: emotions, ideas, objects, places, etc. related to red as a color.