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I am a localization manager/translator and intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about languages, cultures, diversity management, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, coaching, effective communication and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free food and good movies.

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Saturday, April 13, 2013

The four fantastic steps of Nonviolent Communication – Step #2. Feelings

Last week we discussed Step #1. of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, Observations, by discovering what you should do while facing an impleasant situation, a conflict with someone, a stressful event.

As already said, Nonviolent Communication (also know as NVC) includes four steps:

Step #1. Observations
Step #2. Feelings
Step #3. Needs
Step #4. Requests 

Today we are going to face Step #2., Feelings.
While talking about feelings and emotions, it’s all about one’s emotions and how someone feels.
Each person has the right to his/her feelings and emotions. Each person should be honest with him/herself and with the others.

Recognizing and analyzing feelings and even more talking about them can be stressful or intimidating at first, if people are not used to it and are afraid of being vulnerable, but it can also be very liberating.

Feelings, Nonviolent Communication second step
[How Are You Feeling Today?
Giving the right name to your emotions is very important!]

After observing a situation and recollecting what happened while maintaining a suitable distance, you should:
- ask yourself which kind of emotions are you feeling;
- recognize the emotions and give them a name;
- ask  yourself why this happens. Why are you angry, tired, disappointed, frustrated or mad at someone else?

After that, you should accept your feelings, without:
- judging yourself;
- being ashamed of them;
- trying to reject them. Feelings and emotions are very important in order to take the right decisions, which will only be logically “justified” after the fact. Even if you try to "cancel" or "forget" the emotions, they will not disappear, causing you discomfort, stress and maybe causing you to act in an awkward or aggressive way, even if you don't want to.

After accepting your feelings, in order to be able to manage them, you should:
- discuss the feelings with others openly, by explaining how the situation makes you feel without giving the others the blame for it. The magic word is "I": "I feel upset, why I..." etc.
It's all about how you feel, not about the mistakes of someone else.

See you in seven days with Step #3., Needs!

Previous post:
The four fantastic steps of Nonviolent Communication – Step #1. Observations

Tags: Nonviolent Communication, NVC, Marshall Rosenberg, Feelings