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Saturday, April 27, 2013
The four fantastic steps of Nonviolent Communication – Step #4. Requests
Nonviolent Communication is becoming a second nature for you? It's a great news, even more because today we are going to discuss the last step of the communication process invented by Marshall Rosenberg.
Step #4. of 4, Requests, will help you to point out what you want without being perceived as aggressive or rude.
[Step #4. of Nonviolent Communication is all about
making a request in a nonviolent way]
After observing a situation and describing it in a facts-oriented way, recognizing the feelings that the situation suscitates in you and expressing your (absolutely human!) needs, it's time to make a request, in order to find a solution that can make the situation more pleasant or at least acceptable for you and for other people involved.
- make a request related to the present situation. The past is... the past and it doesn't matter now, also because you can't change or improve it. Focus on the present and prepare yourself for a better future;
- express your request, being clear about what exactly has to be done/changed/improved, how and in what sort of timeframe. Provide as much information as possible and be patient: the other person may need time in order to work the situation out!
- must be precise, clear, positively expressed. Simply saying "Please don't do XY again!" or "Please don't be rude next time!" will not help anybody;
- can include relevant information about what you are going to do by yourself in order to make the situation easier for both sides. Feel free to get feedback on this one, by asking if your actions will help the other person to get things done on his/her side.
The most important part is also the most difficult one: Please don't forget that, in order to communicate in a nonviolent way, a request is a request, not a threat. It must be possible for the other side to accept or to reject the request. Be prepared for a "no" or for a counterproposal.
Don't take it personally!
Next Saturday we will take a look at the necessary frame for a nonviolent discussion.