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I am a localization manager/translator and intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about languages, cultures, diversity management, dancing and good movies.  

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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

How to check out in tricky situations, or why the right silence tastes better than the usual lemonade

"Fools," said I, "You do not know 
Silence like a cancer grows 
Hear my words that I might teach you 
Take my arms that I might reach you" 
But my words like silent raindrops fell 
And echoed in the wells of silence
Simon & Garfunkel, The Sound of Silence 
(Sounds of Silence, 1966)


Things, situations and people are not always as we would love them to be.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, they say.

[When life gives you lemons, make lemonade...
Image source: semiswede]

This is for sure a good point, and yet not everybody likes lemonade, if you know what I mean.
One can for sure stay positive, have a strong can-do attitude and be able to smile and keep doing what one has to do also during hard times or while dealing with a jerk. But sometimes it just doesn't work anyway or any longer. Sometimes the whole situation is just too much for one to deal with.

In these cases one needs to check out and to do it fast. To change something in one's life. To take a break. To say goodbye to someone. Or to make it clear that something is over.

While being in an unpleasant situation or dealing with someone that makes it very difficult to communicate with him/her or that is used to disappear or not to pay attention to you, does it make sense to tell the person that well, you are about to check out and he/she will not get other chances to treat you in a bad way or to ignore you?

[Silence can be magic...
or graphically beautiful, like in this Purple cover of Enjoy the silence]


Yes. And no. It depends.
If the person is used to talk to you often and to search for you in the first place, then you should inform that not so nice guy/gal that you are not available any longer. That the game is over. That you are free, effective immediately.
You can do it in a very positive way thanks to Nonviolent Communication and the right frame for constructive feedback.

But.
If the person is not used to talk to you often and she/he is not going to search for you unless you will, why bother to talk to her/him once again? Why waste your words and your time to say "Starting immediately, I will not talk to you any longer" or something similar?

[Make room for something different in your life 
thanks to a magic ingredient: the silence]

"Show, don't tell" is still a golden rule.
Just avoid to search for the person in the future. Save your energy. Live your life at its best. And enjoy your new freedom. Time and silence will do the rest for you.

Make room for something or someone worth your words, not only your silence. 

Tags: Silence, Saying goodbye, Relationships, Tricky situations, The Sound of Silence, Lyrics

Previous posts:
The good old motto "Show, don't tell" is hale and hearty. How can you show your skills?
Mae West, the art of love & the golden silence
A cool t-shirt, the secret of sarcasm and a smile

2 comments:

  1. From your last posts, it seems you're in a crucial situation.. to decide to let people go, not to search a persone anymore.. well.. it requires a lot of energies and determination. You never know where you're going to.. But it is true that nobody knows it, neither in "regular" situation... Yes, I'd say don't talk about it it... Just do it.. Live YOUR life.

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  2. I guess that it happens to most people, once in a while to be in a very pivotal moment of their lives and to have to deal with a lot of stuff that "waited" for a solution for too long.

    Now it is my turn, for sure. And I like to write things down in my posts for clear thinking.

    Thanks for your kind words!
    =)

    ReplyDelete