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Localization manager/translator and coach/intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about diversity management and intercultural communication, self-awareness and coaching, SFBT and NVC, languages, cultures, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free keto food and good movies.

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I'm the only person responsible for its content and the views and opinions expressed here are solely mines.
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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

How to check out in tricky situations, or why the right kind of silence tastes better than the usual lemonade

Things, situations, and people are not always as we would love them to be.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, they say.

This is for sure a good point, and yet not everybody likes lemonade, if you know what I mean.

"Fools," said I, "You do not know 
Silence like a cancer grows 
Hear my words that I might teach you 
Take my arms that I might reach you" 
But my words like silent raindrops fell 
And echoed in the wells of silence
Simon & Garfunkel, The Sound of Silence 
(Sounds of Silence, 1966)

[When life gives you lemons, just make lemonade... or not?
Image source: semiswede]

Nor everybody can stay positive all the time no matter what, have a strong can-do attitude and be able to smile and keep doing what one has to do also during hard times or while dealing with a jerk. But sometimes it just doesn't work anyway or any longer. Sometimes the whole situation is just too much for one to deal with.

What to do in such cases?
In those cases, one needs to check out, and to do it fast. To change something in one's life. To take a break. To say goodbye to someone. Or to make it clear that something is over.

While being in an unpleasant situation or dealing with someone that makes it very difficult to communicate with him/her or that is used to disappear or not to pay attention to you, does it make sense to tell the person that well, you are about to check out and he/she will not get other chances to treat you in a bad way or to ignore you?

[Silence can be magic...
or graphically beautiful, like in this Purple cover of Enjoy the silence]

Yes. And no. It depends.
If the person is used to talk to you often and to search for you in the first place, then you should inform that not so nice guy/gal that you are not available any longer. That the game is over. That you are free, effective immediately.
You can do it in a very positive way, thanks to the four steps of Nonviolent Communication and the right frame for constructive feedback.

If the person is not used to talk to you often and she/he is not going to search for you unless you will, why bother to talk to her/him once again? Why waste your words and your time to say "Starting immediately, I will not talk to you any longer" or something similar?

[Ready to make room for something different in your life? 
A little bit of silence could help]

"Show, don't tell" is still a golden rule.
Just avoid searching for the person in the future. Save your energy. Live your life at its best. And enjoy your new freedom. Time and silence will do the rest for you.

Make room for something or someone worth your words, not only your silence. 

Tags: Silence, Saying goodbye, Relationships, Tricky situations, The Sound of Silence, Lyrics

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