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Localization manager/translator and coach/intercultural consultant living in Berlin (Germany), passionate about diversity management and intercultural communication, self-awareness and coaching, SFBT and NVC, languages, cultures, body art, dancing, self-empowerment, and, last but not least, vegan gluten-free keto food and good movies.

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Wednesday, October 25, 2017

The terrific and "easy" mantra you were looking for, both in your personal and professional life, Feat. Sailor Jerry and YGWYPF

If you are looking for a terrific and very badass mantra, one that can contribute, in the long run, to change both your personal and professional life, your search is over. I got you covered.

Are you ready to go all in and to stand up for yourself?
Lovely, let's go then.

About ten-twelve years ago (personally, I heard about this story for the first time back in 2008, so almost ten years ago already), while discussing her services and range of prices for different kinds of tasks with potential new clients and with prospects that heard of her through word of mouth, freelancer designer and illustrator Jennifer Daniel adopted for her business persona a very short and sweet "frame", originated by a popular saying, that, much to her surprise, started paying dividends for her very fast.

[More often than not, it is not about what you say, 
but how you "frame" your message.
Pic: Frame chair or "Memories Yet To Come" by Slokoski 
in a wonderful steampunk chair 
with upholstery velvet in purple]

As soon as she would be in touch with someone interested in hiring her and while discussing the prices and her availability, she would say, immediately, very clearly and above all unapologetically:

Fast, good, cheap. You can only pick two.

That's it? Yep.
Let's pause for a second and let this sink in.

Why? Because even if this sounds very easy to say and to understand, from a logical point of view, it is not as easy to be put into practice, from an emotional point of view, at least for the vast majority of people.
Doing it for real, walking the talk and not just saying that you will and then doing the opposite for fear of getting rejected, means taking a big leap of faith in yourself and be willing to go big or go home.
While sticking to it, no matter how people are going to react and treat you, you are "paying yourself first" and taking a risk. In front of other people's expectations towards you, you stand by yourself and you accept that people can say no, reject you (your business, your ideas, your talent, your love, your offer, your needs, your desires, and so on) and walk away.

Of course, having boundaries and communicating them can be scary as hell. And yet, it is worth it.
The people that will stay, the ones that will take note and pay attention and respect that, they are the ones that care and understand. The ones you actually want to deal with in the long run, both in your professional and personal life.

The people you want to work with. The clients you want to have. The friends you want to hang out with. The handsome person you want to date.

[Sitting is the new smoking, we all know this.
And yet, while sitting somewhere, both literally and metaphorically,
don't you prefer to do it in a place that is nice and comfy?]

Back to Jennifer, her clients can get from her a service that is fast and good but not cheap, or a service that is fast and cheap but not good, or a service that is good and cheap but not fast. 
It is not possible to have it all, and they should do business with her only while being aware of Jennifer's working frame and knowing what really matters to them.
And, last but not least, while knowing what they are willing to pay for that, what they can get for it and what they are ready to compromise on.

[Norman Keith Collins [1911-1973], better known as "Sailor Jerry",
one of the most famous old-school tattoo artists 
of the last century, embodied the YGWYPF philosophy:
"Good work ain't cheap, cheap work ain't good"
Now this is the branding of a spiced rum with his name]

They can't have it all. And the same applies to you. To me. To everyone.

More and more, I am convinced that it is just the same with the people in your life: with your family, your loved ones, the colleagues, the acquaintances, the clients, the neighbors. Even more, if we are talking about your significant other or a longtime companion.

Is it not just the same? 
You can't have a good relationship with someone without honestly caring about them and the relationship and without investing time, energy and care in it.

It can be fast and good, but not cheap. Here, you are paying with your emotions, your attention, your commitment, and your efforts. You are being vulnerable, you are all in.

Or it can be cheap and fast, but not good. Difficult to get a meaningful relationship here, because the foundations are not strong enough and you can't be sure that the person will be there for you in the long run, if you need them to.
You are about to subscribe for the easy ride and for that extra kick of dopamine that will leave you craving for a real connection, more than ever.

Or it can be good and cheap, but not fast. "Cheap" here means "easy" in a good and emotionally healthy way, as in an interaction with someone that doesn't leave you emotionally broke (and broken) - because you know each other well, you support each other and you accept each other for who you are. 
Trust is a big part of this kind of relationships - but this can't be fast. Deep trust and value can be built only over time, with repeated and consistent action.

[How do you want your relationships to look like?
Multifaceted diamonds and gems are a good option, if you ask me]

In every interaction we have, we can decide to stick to this frame, know where our boundaries are and being able to "pay the price" for it, or we can go for whatever crosses our path, while hoping for the best.
I don't know about you, but I prefer to stay true to myself and to accept that not everybody is going to stick around, but the ones that will are going to be definitely worth my time.

We are used to saying that something of value is gold, but I would say that a good relationship is more like a diamond, with all its facets and nuances. Maybe diamonds are really a girl's best friends, after all?

Tags: Personal mantras, YGWYPF, Fast good cheap, Sailor Jerry, Jennifer Daniel, Quotes

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