What's your worst online dating horror story ever?
If during the last ten years you have been single at some point, you probably have one. Just like everybody else. Just like me.
It may also be that you have plenty. (Yep, that's me again)
It may even be that almost all your online dating stories are horror stories. While looking at what one can read online, apparently you are not alone.
[Online dating horror stories?
Hell yes, I've got stories to tell. And you too, for sure.
Still, embracing change and keeping going is the way to go.
Pic: Me, December 2018 © Radoslaw Kosiada]
Once upon a time, there was the guy that talked about literature and global warming and respect, before showing his true colors and going missing in action with no explanation.
And there was the one that told me how crazy about me he was and how much he was looking forward to seeing me again... just before canceling our next date at the very last moment. Twice.
And there was the one that never managed to meet me in person in the first place and yet contacted me at least five times in the middle of the night, while being drunk and horny.
And there was the one that...
You've got my point, for sure. And I agree that this could scare someone off, make them skeptical, bring them to give up and to tell themselves, it doesn't matter how convincing, that they don't need a partner and they can be perfectly happy all alone. Like, for the next fifty years or so.
And yet, fifty years can get pretty long and lonely, and the vast majority of people, no matter how many dating horror stories they can have collected, witnessed or heard of, still want to find a partner, fall in love and share their time with a special someone.
They are aware that the next date could be just another online dating horror story, and yet they adopt what I call the "Edison approach" and they go for it anyway. Because it could also be the last first date of their life. It could be the one they were looking for all along.
[It is all about love... Even when it is about power,
electricity, light bulbs and... Thomas Edison]
Did Thomas Alva Edison [1847-1931] ever say or write something about online dating and dating in general? Of course not. Still, many quotes that refer to his mindset and life philosophy can apply to the dating arena as well. Even more, if resilience, perseverance, risk-taking, openness and a growth mindset are needed. And more often than not, they are.
My favorite Edison's quote is "Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits".
In order to get you acquainted to the "Edison approach" and to get you all set for the waiting part, I selected ten quotes that can help you to keep calm and enjoy dating no matter what.
#1. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
(also quoted as "I have never failed, I've only shown the way I did it before doesn't work")
#2. Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.
#3. Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.
#4. The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.
In order to achieve our goals and to deal with setbacks in a positive and constructive way, a growth mindset that allows us to experiment, "fail fast" and try things out is pivotal.
Most dates are going to be dead ends, and yet in order to meet a suitable partner, it is important to keep going on dates anyway, even if keeping them short and sweet can be a good idea in order to minimize the negative sides of the matter.
#5. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
#6. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
#7. Nearly every person who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged
#8. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.
Knowing when it is time to quit something, to let go, to move on and to focus on something else is a precious skill. At the same time, though, something giving up is what makes it impossible to grow, to improve and to find a way to realize what we are aiming at.
In this case, it is not about keeping on dating the wrong person and investing in them while hoping that they will become our soul mate and love us back, at some point. It is way more about keeping on going to dates overall, while following the motto "Hire slow and fire fast". If you know what I mean. And I am sure you do.
#9. When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't.
#10. There's a way to do it better - find it.
When everything appears to be hopeless, a reframing could permit you to switch gears and keep going. Changing perspective, staying open even if at the moment it looks like there is no solution, having faith in a positive outcome, eventually, can do wonders. For real.
And it is less mental than thinking that we tried out everything already, which is kind of... inaccurate, big-headed, and arrogant.
This one is for Jana. I didn't meet you yet, and yet it's like I would know you already.
Tags: Tags: Singleness, Love, Relationships, Dating, Flirting, Growth mindset, Resilience, Thomas Edison, Quotes
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