How often do we think that we know what other people need and want, just because we assume that they need and want what is a good fit for us?
More often than not, to be honest.
More often than it would be of advantage for our relationships, I may add.
More often than it would be of advantage for our relationships, I may add.
Unsurprisingly enough, in most cases, it is not a good thing. Even if our intentions are good.
In order to explain this during a coaching session, I usually suggest that baking a cake for me, just because baking a cake is usually a nice thing to do, would not be that nice, after all, until we would be talking about a vegan, gluten-free and low-carb one.
[Baking a cake for me is usually not a good idea,
if you are not opting for something gluten-free...
Image credit: PureWow]
You see? I have specific needs. I have clear standards. I have some wishes. Just like everybody else.
And it may be that they are going to be absolutely different from the ones of the people baking a classic Sacher Torte for me without asking me and while thinking that they are just doing something awesome.
And it may be that they are going to be absolutely different from the ones of the people baking a classic Sacher Torte for me without asking me and while thinking that they are just doing something awesome.
And yes, they are.
As long as they are not going to be upset because I am not going to eat the cake.
Or as long as they are not trying to make me feel guilty for not eating it.
Or as long as they are not going the extra mile in order to force me, convince me, manipulate me or push me to eat that cake no matter what, so that they don't have to feel guilty about the situation.
[What does make me happy?
Vegan, gluten-free low carb cakes
by Simply Keto, licorice herbal tea
and my self-coaching projects.
by Simply Keto, licorice herbal tea
and my self-coaching projects.
How about you?]
"Are you sure that you are not interested in a piece of something poisonous for you?"
"Thoughtful of you to ask. The last time I checked, I was pretty sure. Thanks, but no thanks".
Instead of baking a cake for the wrong person, what can we all do, in order to make them happy?
Hint: The sky is the limit, here. A good, easy option could involve asking them what they like, what they want, what they need, what they hope for, with us truly and carefully listening to them, instead of assuming that we know the answer already.
Giving active listening a go, in such cases, can do some magic, and it just takes some practice.
After that, we can see if we are able to either give what they want/need to them or help them achieve it themselves. No poison involved.
Instead of baking a cake for the wrong person, what can we all do, in order to make them happy?
Hint: The sky is the limit, here. A good, easy option could involve asking them what they like, what they want, what they need, what they hope for, with us truly and carefully listening to them, instead of assuming that we know the answer already.
Giving active listening a go, in such cases, can do some magic, and it just takes some practice.
After that, we can see if we are able to either give what they want/need to them or help them achieve it themselves. No poison involved.
Tags: Coaching, Assumptions about relationships, Toxic expectations, Gluten-free, Celiac disease, Living gluten-free, Self-awareness, Relationships, Active listening
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