"What do you think about ghosting?" he asks, while eating quietly his summer rolls, and yet looking at me very attentively.
I look back at him and I smile. And then I tell him that it's pretty interesting that he's asking this question right now, since I published something related to the topic on the blog a couple of days earlier.
"Why do you want to know my take on ghosting?" I then follow up.
"Because it is a very hot topic at the moment and everyone is talking about it".
[The only kind of ghosts you should care about?
Casper & Co. They are pretty cute]
Fair enough, I think.
Still, there is not so much to say about ghosting, in my humble opinion. The topic is just boring. And, before you wonder...
Have I been ghosted before, haven't I? Hell, yes. More than once. And both by guys I was just getting to know and by guys I liked a lot and could imagine getting serious with.
Did I take it personally? Hell, no.
Why?
Because of the very nature of ghosting, I would say.
Beside unique exceptions, that most of the times are in any way more related to special circumstances than to someone's personality or attractiveness, ghosting is almost never about the person that gets ghosted and almost always about the person ghosting someone else.
If they had guts, they’d just say so.
If they had talent, they’d make you go away without actually being upset.
A person ghosting someone else, it doesn't matter if after one date, two dates or fifty dates, is a person not able or not willing to:
- express her needs and her desires in a clear way,
- inform the other person about their decisions,
- have an honest conversation about the situation,
- face the consequences of their resolutions,
- deal with the pain or the discomfort that the situation is causing.
Disappearing and hoping that the other person will just "get it" and stop contacting them is what childish and immature people do. It doesn't matter if they are unable to behave in a more emotionally intelligent way because of personal or professional stress, inexperience, naivety, selfishness, narcissism, FOMO or whatever other reason could apply...
[Ghosting? It creates an emotionally negative domino effect.
Don't be that person]
Funny enough, it is very likely that, in most cases, communicating in a direct and open way what is going on would actually make the situation drama-free and way easier to accept for the person being "dumped", that would get some closure and feel "seen" and respected.
This would also mean having a chance of saying goodbye in a classy and respectful way, without both people involved feeling so bad, even if for different reasons.
If someone feels mature enough to date, see people and maybe even sleep with them, they should also be mature enough to deal with every possible outcome related to dating, and to talk about it.
[First dates are lovely and exciting and such, and yet...
Is the person in front of you going to stick around
or to ghost you? In the second scenario, move on and don't look back]
Most of the time, this is not the case. However, in my humble opinion, the only important thing is... The ghosted person is way better off without the ghosting person. Sure enough, they don't need in their life an emotionally immature Peter Pan that acts in a spineless way and is not ready to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions.
Such kind of behavioral pattern tends to be applied to any kind of situation...
So why should I take ghosting personally?
Why should you take ghosting personally?
PS. This one is dedicated to the guys I met at some point in my life and that ghosted me.
Thank you - While doing so, you freed up space for people willing to actually being part of my life and able to appreciate the time that has been dedicated to them.
Tags: Dating, Ghosting, Emotional intelligence, Self-awareness, Relationships, Quotes
What to read next:
Planning to be the ghosting busy hero in the life of your loved ones? Go picking this other role instead
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