He looks at me, smiles and holds the door of the café for me, like it would be the most natural thing in the world and, from the way he does it, I can tell that for him it just is.
And this makes me melt.
If you ask me, there is nothing sexier about a man than his good manners and his timeless gentleman attitude about being of service to others and showing respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.
Both precious assets that are, sadly enough, very rare and just as misunderstood these days, at least among men younger than 50+.
Gone are the days when a gentleman lightly took your hand in his and brushed his lips across it, or tipped his hat to acknowledge you as he chivalrously stepped aside to let you pass.
Joan Collins
[Leon: Your finger, please.
Ninotchka: Why do you need my finger?
Leon: It's bad manners to point with your own.]
Without having to mourn the loss of hats and handkerchiefs, it's possible to acknowledge that over the last decades, too many people started to believe that being a gentleman is something old-fashioned, passé or even worse a sign of misogyny.
In my humble opinion, they couldn't be wronger than that.
I share Oscar Wilde's opinion, that famously said: "A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally". Emotional intelligence, discipline, courtesy, social awareness, and empathy are pivotal skills, in order to be a real gentleman, and lip service just doesn't work for it, even if so many celebrities these days love to proclaim themselves a gentleman:
The only infallible rule we know is, that the man who is always talking about being a gentleman never is one.
Robert Smith Surtees [1805-1864]
Being a gentleman is not about how a guy looks like, which kind of clothes he wears or what he does, but how he does it. And how he makes people around him feel in his presence.
[Example of modern gentlemen?
Easy one: Ryan Reynolds, Justin Timberlake, Hugh Jackman,
Paul Rudd and, ça va sans dire, George Clooney]
So to me, a man that is holding the door of a restaurant or a car for me, pulling out a chair or helping me with my coat is neither patronizing me nor signalizing me that he considers me weak, dumb or not able to take care of myself. Or to open a door, for that matter.
On the very contrary, exactly because he knows that I can absolutely take care of myself in every area of my life, pick up the check or google the address of our next date, he's willing to go the extra mile.
To me, there is nothing more attractive in a man than he showing me with nice gestures and signs of interest or affection that he cares and that he's doing so freely - not because I need it, but exactly because I don't need it and he is willing to do it anyway for spoiling me a little.
So many women get this aspect of the interaction wrong these days, and remember me of the character played by Greta Garbo in Ernst Lubitsch's masterpiece Ninotchka.
[Before and after: The "new" Ninotchka
in a cute Parisian outfit]
While meeting Count Leon d'Algout, played by Melvyn Douglas, the austere and harsh Soviet Union functionary is defensive, uptight and very judgy. And yet, over time, while spending time with a man so unapologetically charming and playful, she discovers a world of chivalry, good manners, elegance, and savoir vivre.
Through the experience, and also thanks to the communication frame created by Leon while putting respect and etiquette first, she can cherish unexpected sides of her personality and enjoy life more.
In times when Tinder and Instagram are ubiquitous, FOMO leads to a hookup culture where every person and their bodies are just a commodity like whatever item you can go for at the grocery store and (way too many) men in their 20s and 30s believe porn to be a truthful depiction of how sex has to be, being able to be a gentleman as a way of life and not just while aiming to a specific outcome is something that should be cherished and acknowledged.
First of all, by the single women that complain about douchebags, players and men ghosting them and that there are no good men left out there.
If I say "gentleman", what does pop up in your mind?
This one is for Markus, that never saw "Ninotchka" so far and yet would love it.
Tags: Singleness, Love, Relationships, Dating, Flirting, Being a gentleman, Good manners, Ninotchka, Quotes
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