Love is a game, they say. Love is a game and one should only know the rules well enough to play a good hand and win the jackpot. Easy-peasy, right?
Sometimes. For some people. Under some circumstances. In some cases.
Otherwise... not really. And yet, it gets easier over time, because you know who you are, what you want, what you are looking for, what makes you happy, what you are willing to accept, what are your personal no-nos and big huge red flags.
Of all our games, love's play is the only one which threatens to unsettle the soul...
Marguerite Yourcenar [1903-1987]
Until... you don't. Or you suddenly decide that your no-nos and big huge red flags can become a bunch of maybes or are not so huge and not so red, after all. For now.
But just for now because, well, six months in the relationships, they would probably turn into that thing that drives you crazy, and not in a good way, or that makes you cringe without exception.
[A friend of mine asked me lately what are
the most important assets in a man, in my humble opinion:
good manners, open communication, dancing skills,
a sense of humor, a very manly and pleasant smell...
Now Lunya’s +One scented candle that supposedly smells
like a sexy man is entering the market, for the last one]
According to Naomi Dunford, dating is not rocket science, even when you are looking for your significant other:
In a marriage, you have to find one person to meet four criteria. You can’t hate them. They can’t hate you. You both want to be married. Neither of you is already married to anybody else.
Not too many requirements, right?
Well, maybe.
To me, it is not about how many requirements are part of the equation, but about how important and complex each of them is, and here the AIDA sales cycle (Attention, Interest, Desire, and Action) could be very helpful...
If emotions would not get in the way, and make you "forget", at least temporarily, what is important to you and why.
[Glamorous purple jellyfish by Scott Web
Image credit: ISO Republic]
Sure thing, being alive and being in love is the best.
Life is beautiful and precious and magnificent and Charles Chaplin was absolutely right:
Life is a beautiful magnificent thing, even to a jellyfish.
Charles Chaplin
And yet, going for short-term gratification and ignoring enormous red flags during the dating period is not necessarily the best way for achieving long-term satisfaction with a partner.
If you are looking for a fling and the person in front of you is as hot AF, go for it. I'm not the one that will judge you for that.
In all other cases? Please, think again.
The things that are actually non-negotiable for you are, by definition, non-negotiable. (What a surprise, I know)
Looking away when someone you don't know that well yet is going against your non-negotiable items or not respecting them, just because you find them attractive or they make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, is the perfect recipe for long-lasting unhappiness and for a life full of drama, struggle, disappointment, fights, and frustration.
Short-term sexual attraction can keep you interested for a couple of months and up to six months, many studies say.
When it starts to fade a little and your brain is not high on endorphins all the time any longer like you would be as a heroin addict, you suddenly will start to notice all those huge red flags again, and yet you are by then going to be connected to someone, to have shared experiences, a past and some kind of bond with them, all aspects that would make it difficult to just check out and break up.
By then, the risk would be very high that you would stay in the relationship anyway because, well, you're there already.
You know what? You deserve something better than that. Everybody does.
This one is for Niko.
Tags: Flirting, Singleness, Relationships, Dating, Relationship red flags, Non-negotiable, Long-lasting happiness, Quotes
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