Coaching, reloaded - Coaching question of the day #322. - Your definition of elegance

Today, someone asked me out of the blue what elegance means to me.

And I have to confess that I was taken aback, even if just for a moment. It was the kind of moment like "Uhm, I know exactly what it means for me but how can I convey it?".

I could go for classic Hollywood comedies from the 40s and Busby Berkeley musical choreographies. 

I could go for Elsa Schiaparelli or Paul Poiret.

I could go for Scandinavian design or Erté.

I could go for practically almost every Italian historical building or something Art Déco.

[Elegance? Something I found difficult to digest for many years,

before I was able to rediscover it in a new, more personal way]

I could go...

And then I realized that replying "I recognize it when I see it" or just saying that elegance for me has nothing to do with luxury objects or money would not be enough.

Colors in culture - This can be the color of... #3. Red, or over 160 different cultural references about the color of rubies, passion, and Snow White's apples

After green and blue, the series Colors in culture is back, at last, with its third installment, dedicated to the diva of the color wheel...

Red doesn't need big introductions.

It's usually the first color people notice, because of its wavelength in the light spectrum, and it is one of the primary colors in both the RGB and the CMYK color models. Without red, there would be not that much you could do with colors, and the scene would look somehow... a little bit dull.

Technicalities aside, red is the most used (and sometimes abused) statement color.

It is associated with bold choices, it doesn't matter if we are talking about fashion, food, seduction, the military world, the symbols of religion worldwide, or... concepts like transgression and good luck.

[Useful thesaurus of Red shades,

with the proper English names,

by Ingrid Sundberg]

You want to get noticed? In most cases, red will do the trick for you.

That's one of the reasons why so many foods, flowers, and toys are red, and why companies like Kellogg's, Coca Cola, Virgin, LEGO, and Pinterest do their best for being an eye-catcher, both online and offline.

Well, my smile's pretty hard to miss, considering I'm a gal who likes her lipstick: the redder the better.

Dolly Parton

Even if the urban legend that Coca Cola "invented" Santa Claus' red look as we know it for marketing reasons related to its brand is... just a legend, red is a color designed to leave a durable impression.

Without further ado, here you can find a list of over 100 different cultural references: emotions, ideas, objects, places, etc. related to red as a color.

The question about your clothes that you should ask yourself more often

If I would take a picture of you today, what are you wearing right now that would make you feel ashamed within a couple of years or force you to explain someone from the next generation that "this is what we were used to wear"?

[Clothes don't make you, but they for sure convey a message about you.

Picking the right story is often underrated, and yet so important]

What to read next:

The first five minutes of trust are golden, and spoiling them is a terrible idea 

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new 

Do you want me to accept your LinkedIn invitation? Pay attention to these five things

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, they say.
Most of the time, they are right. (It happens a lot that they are right, just deal with it)

Still, when it is about networking and having an account on websites for professionals, I like to keep things simple and to embrace a minimalist approach.
This means that besides the Google+ account related to this blog, you can find me on LinkedIn, and on LinkedIn only. When people send me invitations for other networks, I pass, even if I feel flattered. Time is limited, and I prefer to focus on one network, where I have a strong and well-tailored profile.

Thanks to my profile and professional experience, I receive new invitations on a regular basis.
Some people follow a strict policy and they accept only invitations from people they know well in real life. I consider it a good option to also accept invitations from people that I don't know yet, if their profile is relevant to me. That said, I am always amazed at how sloppy and amateurish LinkedIn profiles and above all invitations can get.

[You don't have to look like a modern dandy, 

in order to make a great impression on LinkedIn,

but displaying a drunken selfie or some weird cat pic

would just not help. Just saying.

Image credit: ISO Republic]

Do you want me (= and probably other people as well) to accept your LinkedIn invitation? Then you should probably pay a little bit more attention to the following five things:

"Born This Way" also means "Living This Way", and paying the price for it - In memoriam for Zombie Boy [1985-2018] - Part I

"With such beautiful tattoos, I understand that it is a pity to hide them with those stockings" the doctor said today in the morning, while visiting me because of a terrible pain on my feet that it's making it impossible for me to walk, and referring to special stockings that can be needed in such cases. 

He wants to be nice, and he probably thinks that his words are friendly and charming. And maybe even a little bit flirty, in a fun way.

So I keep my cool, look at him with a firm smile and reply: "Well, this is not about my tattoos, it is about me not being able to walk because of the pain. I just want the pain in my feet to stop". 

After the medication, I go home with a huge white bandage that covers half of a leg and a foot. As I can walk without pain, for the first time in three days, I really don't care about the people staring at me.

[Zombie Boy posing as a polarizer that draws 

so much attention while traveling on the subway 

and minding his own business, 2016

It feels so familiar to me...]

If people are used to staring at me wherever I go, well...

Today they do that even more, and they have the "excuse" of the bandage. Some smile, some look perplexed, some seem to be dying for asking some questions. I just want to go home and take care of my feet.

While hearing about the unexpected death of Canadian model and actor Rick Genest, better known as Zombie Boy or Rico the Zombie, found dead two days ago in Montréal at the age of 32 after (apparently) committing suicide, I have to think again about what happened this morning. 

Hips don't lie, beards do. And people do it as well, sometimes - Part II

The young, blond man is sitting near me in the subway, at the end of a chilled & sunny summer day.

He's tall and he is hot and he's wearing glasses and... I surprise myself at doing it again.

While sitting absolutely motionless and apparently distracted near him and looking somewhere else in front of me, I am actually undressing him on my mind. 

Yes, exactly. I am imagining him without his huge hipster beard and, virtually, undressing his beautiful face and asking myself if he would be even more handsome without a beard.

["Rire dans sa barbe", a popular French idiomatic expression

not directly translatable into English,

as depicted by Auckland-based designer Anjana Iyer...

with a huge hipster beard, of course]

Gut feeling about that? Hell, yes.

Sorry for not being sorry about that.

As we said in the first part of this post, beards are not really my thing.

How to be the best dancing partner ever, even if you are not able to dance well (yet)

"I've never been good at dancing", he says, while smiling at me, a little bit shy and self-conscious.

And I am sure that he means it.

Like if this would be a good reason not to dance.

Thing is, I have the impression he's missing the whole point about dancing, like most people do.

If your feet are firmly planted on the ground you'll never be able to dance. 

Iris Johansen

Unless you are on a Broadway stage or on your epic tour in Vegas and people paid good money for seeing you dancing and creating crazy dance numbers in front of them, nobody cares.

Nobody is going to give you a score, to be pissed off if you are not perfect, to wait for you to make just one tiny mistake in order to transform your evening into a living hell.

On the dance floor, you are just a sonder like everybody else and everyone is too busy while minding their own business, for noticing you.

[Are you having the time of your life on the dance floor,

just like Johnny Castle and Baby Houseman

in Emile Ardolino's cult movie Dirty Dancing (USA 1987)?]

At the same time, you are also the star. The star of your own time on the dance floor... Even more, if you are in good company and someone wants to dance with you.

Paying compliments? Accepting compliments? It's not that easy, apparently... #1. The badass shy guy

"NERD? I prefer the term Intellectual Badass!"

I can't miss this one.

"I beg your pardon, can I take a pic of your t-shirt?"

Long, awkward silence follows. 

"What for?" (the young man that crossed my path on the street is now looking at me, very skeptical and mistrustful)

"Because it's super cool!" (and of course for the blog, for all of you, folks...)

He smiles like I would have said, he would be the most handsome man in the world. Literally, his smile is shining and all that jazz. And then...

[Here you have it, anyway. And even in purple...

But it is not the same feeling as taking a pic on the street...

Image credit: Spreadshirt Media]

He says no.

Why decluttering one's life, one day at the time, could be the most important thing you will ever do - Part 2. Minimalist living - How this shapes my life every day (#5.-6.)

In the previous post of this Minimalism series, I explained how long-term shopping, meaningful spending, decluttering and downsizing add value to my life, one day at the time.
Here you can find two further elements that define what minimalist living is for me:

#5. Eating nurturing food of good quality on a daily basis. 
Whole foods, paleo diet, low carb, high carb, ketogenic diet, traditional cuisine, halal, kosher, your grandmother's recipes book...

The mileage may vary depending on someone's age, physical and health conditions, geographical area, blood type, religious or spiritual belief system.
In my opinion, every person should go for food that helps them to feel happy, fit and able to deal with their activities and with their lives in the best way possible. What works for someone could not work for someone else.

[Saisonal, fresh and tasty ingredients, 

perfect for a yummy salad bowl

Image credit: ISO Republic]

To me, this means:

"Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?", or the one about 16 (yes, 16!) cool t-shirt slogans that can make people smile or think about life

Most of us like to think that very deep thoughts and life-changing ideas have to be long, complex and difficult to get. Otherwise, everyone would get them, right?

Well, sometimes.
And sometimes, it is really so simple.

A story is the expression of how and why life changes. 
A story begins with balance, then something throws life out of balance, then a story goes on to describe how balance is restored.  

Robert McKee

Sometimes, something tiny can make all the difference: a sentence or a question may be enough for creating a new mental landscape, for showing a new perspective to someone willing to get it and able to see it, for playing with a challenging and yet refreshing suggestion.
In other words, for providing someone with a very valuable piece of information or a moment of pure and precious serendipity.

Oddball brainteasers have been a big hype in the recruiting style of big internet companies for a while, and then they started to fade out. My favorite one?

"Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?"

Whole Foods Market meat cutter job candidate (Lexington-Fayette, KY)

The question sounds crazy, I know. (even more because now you are visualizing 100 duck-sized horses, and if you tell me that you don't, I won't believe you anyway).

And yet, how you will reply and react to it tells a lot about you.

Why decluttering one's life, one day at the time, could be the most important thing you will ever do - Part 2. Minimalist living - How this shapes my life every day (#1.-4.)

Coco Chanel, featured in 1999 in TIME magazine's "Time 100: The Most Important People of the Century", is still one of the most well known and most quoted fashion designers to have ever lived, and doesn't need any kind of introduction.

Madame was all about quality over quantity, and she was used to saying: "Once you've dressed, and before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take at least one thing off". She knew that, way more often than we'd like to think, less is more.

["Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance",

or said in another way: quality over quantity matters]

Just like the timeless style created by the woman that invented the little black dress and chose the future Chanel No.5 among different perfume samples presented to her, minimalist living is not a fortuitous occurrence.

Embracing a minimalist living means being bold enough to take the path less traveled and smart enough to make the right decisions and to adjust your trajectory on the way, every time that you need to.

Why decluttering one's life, one day at the time, could be the most important thing you will ever do - Part 2. Minimalist living

What are the five items you would bring with you on a deserted island?

What would you buy at any cost, while living on a budget, and why?

What are the possessions that energize you and make your life better, and what are the ones that suck energy and life out of you?

(And here we are again, with Marie Kondo's suggestion about verifying if a specific item sparks joy or not)

[Minimalist living comes in many shapes, forms, and flavors -

Just like in this amazing unicorn multi-layered cake.

What's yours?]

For some of you, these can look like mundane or rhetorical questions, and yet they are not, at least if one is truly interested in minimalist living. They are, in a nutshell, what minimalist living is all about:

Colors in culture - This can be the color of... #2. Blue, or over 100 different cultural references about the color of melancholy, sapphires, and water

You asked for it, you waited for it and... you got it, at last: after a long break here we are with the second blog post of the blog post series about colors and which kind of reference colors can carry in specific cultures.

Isn't it strange how life won't flow, like a river, but moves in jumps, as if it were held back by locks that are opened now and then to let it jump forwards in a kind of flood? 

Anita Desai

The first blog post of the series, dedicated to green, got over 1,200 views so far (thank you!!) and today I am absolutely glad to offer you a second one about a color loved and very used in most countries and cultures, or even one of the only truly "universal" ones, even if with some cultural twists.

[Useful thesaurus of Blue shades,

with the proper English names,
by Ingrid Sundberg]

Mermaids, angels, fairies, and other fantastic creatures can sometimes have blue hair or blue skin and this is one of the most recognizable signs that they are special, different, from another dimension or another planet.

Colors in culture - This can be the color of... #1. Green, or 100 different cultural references about the color of hope and freshness

As already said in this post about cultural differences in color psychology, every color can evoke different ideas, feelings, and meanings, depending on the culture, the historical background, the pop-culture references of a specific place.

So here we are, with a new blog post series about colors... 

Usually, people wait for getting green light about a new project, a new activity, a new job. Let's start with green as well.

Again, green is the color of a lot of fantasy creatures like dragons, leprechauns, fairies. How about Shrek, the Grinch, the famous green eggs of Dr. Seuss, Green Lantern, the Green Goblin, and Hulk?

[Useful thesaurus of Green shades,

with the proper English names,
by Ingrid Sundberg]

Here you can find a list of 100 different cultural references: emotions, ideas, objects, places, etc. related to green as a color.

Hips don't lie, beards do. And people do it as well, sometimes - Part I

The first bearded man in my life was Mr. Cookies. 

He was neither the least famous bearded cousin of Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar nor the older brother of the Gingerbread man.

[Gingy, the cute and valiant Gingerbread man of the Shrek series

No close relation with Mr. Cookies.

Well, at least not as far as I know. One never knows]

He was the bearded neighbor living on the first floor of my apartment building when I was a child. A quiet and peaceful man a little bit overweight, probably in his forties, married with a blond enchanting nice woman, he was always kind, smiling and fun to talk to.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life’s about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw [1856-1950]

I have never been religious, not even as a child, but Mr. Cookies - this was his real last name, only translated into Italian, of course - was to me the closest thing to Santa Claus, that I had ever seen in real life so far. And probably also afterward.

So a bearded man was for me so far someone somehow friendly and helpful and such, but for sure not attractive or sexy. And not only because as a child I had not yet very clear in my mind what sex appeal or sexiness should be.

Then it was the turn of Candy Candy, of course.

A big news published in advance on this blog, just for you, just today...

This is not official yet but...

I want you to be the first ones to know that I am going to become a Suicide Girl and to model for a calendar for naked tattooed women. 

So everyone will be able to see all my tattoos and to have pics of them, at last.

Dita Von Teese, stand aside... I am coming!

[Dita Von Teese in Purple latex catsuit

Copyright Jim Weathers, 2001]

...

...
...

Happy April Fools' Day, guys!

Update 2015:

False friends can be very tricky while trying to be classy, or the secret and exclusive club of colorful people

Ah, dezent! 

I got this one. No wait, maybe I didn't. 

In fact, dezent is one of those German words that, while speaking Italian as a native speaker, could be easily misunderstood. 

[Red total look: something not so usual in the streets of Berlin...

if it is not Fashion Week]

What does make dezent such a tricky word, you may ask.

Dezent is what in linguistics is called a 'false friend': a word in a foreign language that seems to be very similar to some words in your own language, but that actually has a completely different meaning. 

False friends can be very tricky while learning a new language while living abroad, while working in an international working environment, while translating a text.

Mood: Time Travel in Purple Feat. "my" wedding dress and the best white edgy wedding dress ever

To be honest, I have to say immediately that, of course, in comparison with the main characters of Four Weddings and a Funeral, I am just an absolute beginner. 

And yet, about eight years ago, I reached that "wedding age", in which one starts to get at least a couple of wedding invitations every year. 

If you are going to reply that you started going to weddings when you were six, please stop. That is not the kind of weddings I am talking about.

I am talking about the weddings of your friends, of your schoolmates, of your ex-boyfriends, of your flatmates, of your colleagues... Weddings of people in your age or even way younger than you. 

[The amazing cast of Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) 

by Mike Newell, from left to right: 

Kristin Scott Thomas, Hugh Grant, Simon Callow, 

Andie MacDowell, Charlotte Coleman, John Hannah, James Fleet]

Yes, exactly that kind of weddings. Glad that we are on the same page, now.

Are you tired of museums and clubs but you still want to enjoy Berlin? Try out these 10 places instead

People sometimes ask me which my favorite places in Berlin are.

This seems to be a very easy and innocent question, but it isn't.

It's difficult to only give one answer since one of the things that I love most about Berlin is that it is unruhig, unsettled. 

Streets and places change fast, restaurants open and close fast, clubs shine and die fast. Shops renovate and move fast to a new district. Trends come and go fast. 

Everything changes, the city changes, people change. And yet the atmosphere is quite the same.

By walking on the streets, you get the impression that the city is living fast and that everything is possible. Not only for the city itself but also for you. Being part of it is magical.

[The Turkish bath in the Schokofabrik

Image source: Hamam at the Schokoladenfabrik]

I decided to list ten of my favorite places in Berlin anyway, but since on the internet you can already find plenty of tips about museums, cool sights, theaters, art exhibitions, and clubs, this is another kind of list. The numbers do not represent a ranking, however.

The question with the big Q and some very interesting quotes about it

While being vegan, the question with the big Q that I get the most is, of course, "Why?".

Usually is not a real question. Not a question they are asking me, at least. It is more like a question that my interlocutor is asking himself/herself while accidentally talking to me, since most of the people can't imagine that someone can not only be vegan, but actually be vegan and absolutely happy with it.

I am vegan. And I am happy with it and with my life.
Being vegan is something that influences every choice I do and what I decide to buy (clothes, shoes, accessories, cosmetics, cleaning products, home furnishings,  groceries, beverages, books...) or not to buy. Which websites, shops and restaurants I support, and which I don't.

Since I don't like being attacked for what I am nor when someone tries to "convert" me, I don't do these things to someone else. I don't try to turn every person I meet into a fellow vegan. 

So I don't go around telling everybody that I am vegan, I don't try to convert people or to change their minds. I don't judge others and I don't discuss what they are doing or eating or saying. I just live my life by following the motto "Live and let live".

[Vegan, Purple and comfortable:

Airseal Para Boot by Vegetarian Shoes]

But as soon as someone realizes that I am not eating meat or that my Purple combat boots are not a pair of "normal" Dr. Martens, but a more exotic pair of Vegetarian Shoes instead, or as soon someone offers me milk chocolate or whatever and I say "Thanks, but no thanks"... Booom! The question with the big Q is already in the air, ready to strike.