The two moods to pick from for the person you are going to spend 24 hours a day with for the rest of your life

"You are so nice!" they say, in the same way as they say "You are so healthy!", surprised and a little bit incredulous, as if being nice would be so difficult.

Most of the time, people ask me if I am actually so nice all the time, as if being nice would take more time than being not nice.

However, my favorite ones are the ladies and gents that, without me asking for their opinion, are eager to let me know that "Well, yeah. I prefer to be myself and to be authentic", as if being nice would mean per se pretending to be someone else and being in a shitty mood would be the best thing you can do for getting real.

[Do you think that being shitty and grumpy with others 

is your gift to humanity, the best way to be real?

Well, thanks a lot for the beautiful present?!]

To me, it is a very simple matter.

Are you trapped in the past, or in the future? Three words are enough for changing course - Part II

What's the alternative to a life spent while living in the past or in the future?
The answer should be pretty intuitive, and it is quite intuitive indeed.

Living in the present means focusing on here and now. Focusing on what is happening around us today. Focusing on who interacts with us today. Focusing on what is important to us today.

Today. Not yesterday or two months ago or two years ago. Not the day after tomorrow or in a month or in a year from now.

Our memories of the past could fool us. Our desires about the future might change. Dystopias, utopias, and having a bad memory are certainly not our friends.

[Why memories are so important, even when they hurt:

Jim Carrey/Joel and Kate Winslet/Clementine

in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

by Michel Gondry]

Here and now, we are living the only life we are given to live at this moment.

Are you trapped in the past, or in the future? Three words are enough for changing course - Part I

When we were children, we have been thought that there is the present, the past, and the future. 

We learned that we live in the present, that the past is our history and that the future depends on us and that it will be magnificent, adventurous, and exciting.

When we were children, we actually lived in the present: the world was a continuous source of discovery and novelty, and relationships with our loved ones were the most important thing. 

While playing and learning new things, we lose track of time and at the end of the day... there was so much to tell!

While growing up, we believe we are still living in the present, but we are almost always deceiving ourselves without knowing it. Because, in most cases, we are actually living in the past. Or in the future.

[The present is but one possible version of our past,

like it's the case for Gwyneth Paltrow/Helen. 

in Sliding Doors (1998) by Peter Howitt]

We live in the past if, instead of focusing on what is happening around us now, we dedicate our time and energy to what happened in our lives in a more or less recent past, asking unanswered questions, revisiting past events, appealing to what happened to interpret our present, often considered the only logical and possible consequence of our previous actions. 

The misunderstanding to avoid for not becoming a prisoner of the past, or why forgiveness is the best thing you should try this year

Congratulations, you survived the holidays and the first week of the new year!

No kidding: I am very proud of you.
The first week of the year can be very stressful, and we both know that during this time of the year people around you expect you to turn your life around like magic, take control over whatever problem you could have had the previous year and make yet another round of notorious - and often frowned up - New Year's resolutions... that for most people last... a couple of days only or in the best cases up to a couple of weeks.
So you still have another week to go!

New Year's resolutions and jokes aside, what do you want to have, think, feel, experience, learn and enjoy this year?
What do you want to do and to achieve with your precious time? And what do you want to let go?

Time, focus and energy are somehow limited resources.
Knowing where you want to allocate them and what you want to use them for, and therefore also knowing which battles you should pick and when you should just let go, is what will slowly but surely shape your year, one day at the time.

[What do you want to look at, in life?

Where do you want your focus and energy to go?

Pic: Me, November 2017 

at Berlin's street art museum

Urban Nation © Radoslaw Kosiada]

Seriously! And eventually. And definitely way more than losing those insidious twenty pounds, quitting smoking or going green.

"Happiness is made of..." The happiness inventory that should become your new reality check tool, perfect for good as well as for bad days

As I promised in this post about why keeping a gratitude journal can have a big impact on your life, today I am sharing with you my own "happiness inventory", a very special list I have been putting together in the last two years while counting my blessings and the small and big things in life I am genuinely thankful for.

On the bad days, it is something useful to read, and expanding it on the good days it is a blast.
In my opinion, there is no better reality check tool than this, when I sometimes forget how wonderful and meaningful life can be. And how lucky I am.

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.

John Foster Dulles [1888-1959]

[Happiness is made of...

having blue hair and feeling great about it

Pic: Me, August 2016 © Radoslaw Kosiada]

I hope it will inspire you to create your own inventory and to expand it every day with new experiences and treasured moments.

Happiness is made of...

Why happiness is... the most important muscle in everybody's body and how to train it

Being happy is a choice, they say. And it is true, even if not easy, at least not always. But it is simple.

Maybe the problem is just that most people tend to confuse one with the other or to think that they are synonymous. 

Well, they are not: something can be easy to get and yet not simple at all, and something can be simple but not easy at all to get. And so on.

Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.

Dale Breckenridge Carnegie [1888-1955]

So happiness is actually very simple because it is basically all about doing what one wants to do, being what one wants to be, having what one wants to have. Even better said, happiness is wanting to do what one does, wanting to be what one is, wanting to have what one has.

Like all magnificent things, it's very simple.

Natalie Babbitt

You can choose to be happy, while accepting what you do, who you are and what you have, or while finding out what you want to change in your life instead and then working hard to get there, no matter what.

A little game against the little black cloud of negativeness

I strongly believe that being in a bad mood and bad vibes are somehow contagious. 

This is one of the reasons why I prefer to spend my time with people who are often in a good mood and who can stay positive and motivated even in bad situations. Negative people can somehow be toxic, for themselves and for their environment.

What do you do when you are sad or angry or frustrated, if you are being negative?

Most of the times, you keep thinking about how sad or angry or frustrated you are. And you talk to people to say how sad or angry or frustrated you are. And then you recall other situations that made you sad or angry or frustrated in the past. You complain about the situations, about you, about other people. 

Someone or something has to be guilty! Finding the guilty one slowly becomes the most important thing. Meanwhile, every minute you become even sadder or more angry or frustrated.

[Smiling a little bit more 

is "almost" always a very good idea...]

Your bad feelings are in the air, floating somewhere between you and the people around you, like the proverbial little black cloud of negativeness.

Don't say goodbye. Ever. Even if it is time for a goodbye, and you know it

I was seven years old when I saw Roman Holiday (1953) by William Wyler for the first time and I  immediately decided that saying goodbye to someone just sucks.

"Why do we have to say goodbye?" I asked myself.

[Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck 

taking a break during the shooting of Roman Holiday]

Almost thirty years after seeing the movie for the first time, I still have no answer. Not a good one, at least. Saying goodbye to someone important in my life still sucks.

Even if I know that it is just normal.

Even if it is the best thing to do.

Even if life goes on and we will be happy anyway.

Saying goodbye is too dramatic. Too painful. Too conclusive.

"See you later" sounds better, that's all.

Tags: Goodbye, Saying goodbye, Relationships, Roman Holiday

What to read next:

Charlie Brown's life philosophy about goodbyes

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new 

How to be the green light in the life of your loved ones, Feat. Albert Einstein's wisdom

They say that life is not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you.
Depending on your perspective, belief system and point of view, life can be so interesting, unexpected, surprising, beautiful, or challenging, frightening, stressful and exhausting.
You can't control what is happening and very often you can't influence the outcome either. But you can influence your feelings and your mindset about it.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. 
The important thing is not to stop questioning. 

Albert Einstein [1879-1955]

You can't influence people or events, but you can influence your feelings, your reactions and your expectations toward people and events. In short, you can influence yourself.

[Colorful and rainbow-y signal light in Berlin, 

January 2013]

Mood: The Power of Love

How do you know that you are in love?

Like, really in love? I mean... really in love. 

How do you recognize that?

Can you notice the difference between: 

- being in love with an idea, an ideal, a romantic pattern;

- being in love with a real human being, with flaws and mistakes and misunderstandings?

Envy will hurt itself 
Let yourself be beautiful 
Sparkling love, flowers 
And pearls and pretty girls 
Love is like an energy 
Rushin' rushin' inside of me

Motel Connection, The Power of Love
(A/R Andata + Ritorno, 2004)

[Crown Color Trend 2011
Image source: TrendLand]

Is it possible to let an idea go? Really go?
Is it possible to be free and to think that loving an idea is simply not enough?
Is it possible to enjoy being alone, while waiting for an idea to become real?

Tags: Love, Relationships, Motel Connection, The Power of Love, Music, Lyrics

What to read next:
Jay Gatsby's way of loving, or the dilemma between pushing harder and giving up

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new

Mood: Closing Time, one more time, or When you know that it's time to say goodbye

Sometimes it is very hard to say goodbye. 
Goodbye to someone, goodbye to something... goodbye to a job, to a place, to a habit. 
Goodbye to a time. Goodbye to the old-you and welcome to the new-you.

[Time is ticking...

Even if sometimes it hurts to say goodbye]

But, for the same reason, if you find it so hard to do, it's because most of the time you really have to do it. You have no choice, no alternative, no time to lose any longer. You deserve something different and you have to accept it.
It hurts, most of the time, if not always. But you have to. Anyway.

Mood: Accidentally in love (with Berlin)

Living 24/7 by speaking a foreign language it's very hard, sometimes.
You have to think in another language. To speak another language. To make yourself understandable while using another language.

Even if you're not sure you're saying something in the right way or even if you're sure you're having a misunderstanding. You simply don't have another choice, you have to.

[A courtyard in Berlin, Kreuzberg]

Once in a while all this is just too much. And it hurts. And when I have the impression that living while being lost in translation the whole time is too hard for me and I can't take it anymore, I just take a walk through the streets of Berlin and everything makes sense again.

Since centuries, writers, poets, songwriters and filmmakers talk about falling in love with a city, a place, a street. I'm deeply in love with Berlin.

Tags: Being an expat, Culture shock, Living in Berlin, Being in love, German language, Learning a foreign language, 

What to read next:

"Why Berlin?" or my very personal answer to THE question about the life as an expat in Berlin

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!

Where to start, if you are new

Mood: The Scarlett O'Hara in me (and hopefully in you as well)

Today has not been a good day, so far. And I'm tired and I'm feeling blue and I'm scared. But.

But I'm also a little bit Scarlett O'Hara and tomorrow is going to be another day.

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow. [...] After all... tomorrow is another day.

Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara
Gone with the Wind by Victor Fleming (USA, 1939)

I've no doubt about it. And I'm even more a little purple Scarlett after reading this wonderful post by Julien Smith.
He says: If you want to change, create tension.

[Breathtaking and inspiring graffiti art in Berlin
Building in Lychener Straße, Prenzlauer Berg]

Well, I'm changing every day. I'm creating tension. I'm experiencing tension. I'm breathing tension. Maybe today I'm tired to do it, but my lungs are still breathing. And tomorrow is another day.

For me and for you.

Tags: Overcoming bad days, Resilience, Julien Smith, Scarlett O'Hara

What to read next:
"Happiness is made of..." The happiness inventory that should become your new reality check tool, perfect for good as well as for bad days 

Visiting the blog for the first time? Aloha!
Where to start, if you are new

Mood: GBGH aka 'Go Big or Go Home'

[Bertolt Brecht
Image source: Zentrale für Unterrichtsmedien im Internet e. V.]

It's all right to hesitate if you then go ahead.

Eugen Bertolt Friedrich Brecht [1898-1956]

I'm going to go ahead even though I'm not always sure what I'm doing good and what I'm doing wrong. 'Go Big or Go Home', they say. I'm not so sure I'm going Big, but definitely I'm going to go ahead.

Tags: Giving up, Go big or go home, Bertolt Brecht, People, Quotes

In French, s'il vous plaît #5.

Agir et penser comme tout le monde n'est jamais une recommandation; ce n'est pas toujours une excuse.

Marguerite Yourcenar [1903-1987]
Archives du Nord

Previous post:
In French, s'il vous plaît #1.

Mood: Late Awareness

[Rodolfo Valentino with Nita Naldi]

Now I understand why Latin Lover's life is so easy.

Mood: Third Alternative

Après tout, ce n'est pas si désagréable que ça de vieillir, quand on pense à l'autre éventualité.

Maurice Chevalier [1888-1972]

In French, s'il vous plaît #3.

Il arrive souvent de ne rien obtenir parce que l'on ne tente rien.

Jacques Deval [1895-1972]
Afin de vivre bel et bien

In French, s'il vous plaît #2.

Malheur à qui n'a plus rien à désirer! On jouit moins de ce qu'on obtient que de ce qu'on espère et l'on n'est heureux qu'avant d'être heureux.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau [1712-1778]
Julie ou La nouvelle Héloïse

It happened to me... to be Italian #1.

La virtù affascina, ma c'è sempre in noi la speranza di poterla corrompere.

Leo Longanesi [1905-1957]

It sounds like 'Virtue is charming, but we always hope that we can corrupt it'.